Happy New Year Folks ...

Happy New Year to whoever pass by this blog ! 2009 and to my friends ^^

New Year Resolution ?
Can't think of any yet lol !

MM... for a starter ...

Everyone healthy and happy !

UNCLE CLEAR UNIVERSITY FIRST EXAM !

CV2000 ESSENTIAL MATHEMATICS B+
CV2001 ENGINEERING PROBABILITY & STATISTICS D+
CV2101 MECHANICS OF MATERIALS C+
CV2601 FLUID MECHANICS B
CV2701 LABORATORY 2A B+
EN2501 ENVIRONMENTAL CHEMISTRY B
FE0001 FOUNDATION PHYSICS B+
HW210 TECHNICAL COMMUNICATION B-

GPA 3.14 / 5

Cannot get honours at the moment ... becoz no 3rd class honours for advance standing student ... only 2nd lower and above ... never mind ... shall put more effort to reach 2nd lower ... 0.4 points away from it !

WAHAHAHA ! SONG BO !

Feeling very happy although my stats i get conditional pass ... anyway i don't care la WAHAHAHA PASS NO NEED REPEAT GPA normal RANGE OK LIAO !!

Woo 2 more Video !

VIDEOS !

More Pictures II

Uncle Aw and Puiyee !
Thank you folks for coming ! And LOOK AT OUR FEET ! ALL SLIPPERS GANG ! Except Edmund !

Very cold !

This is like cool ?

Alps Bar ! You want to drink ?

Ee Mei : WENHAO ! dun anyhow post my picture hor !

Ah Long Aw !

Yiting feeding Edmund !

Waa i very lucky to have 2 pweety friends to take picture with me

Pictures

Some pictures of the Gathering to begin with ! Not In Order !

Ladies !
Nigel and Henky !

This is our sitting arrangement !

Welcome back Kenny !

Woo ... Special Ee Mei and Ever Young Puiyee ...

.... What can i do ?

Results will be out on the 29th ... and WoW my holiday is going to end real soon ... I still cannot decide weather to continue if i fail any of the cores ... I can't think of a path to take if i quit now . I had a few initially but after long thoughts about it ... i still don't feel its really to my liking .

I just couldn't make a decision ... ... ... its like if my result is good enough to proceed on to 2nd semester i'll just continue all the way ... but if i fail any of the cores i took ... what should i do ?

Repeat the core and continue or Quit university to do some other things ...

What should i do ? ... i cannot figure out the " do some other things part "

I need an answer ... that i am confident i can fufill it ... its not too early to start thinking because the time to make that decision is near ...

Seriously i wonder what would happen that day ... when the result flashes on my screen . I would be so happy if i can proceed on without having to retake any core ... but ... ... ... ... ...

Steamboat Final Update ...

Venue : Snow City
What : Korean Style Steam Boat BBQ
Cost : $20 nett ( i think )
Attire : As causual as possible since we are not sitting inside the aircon room UNLESS RAINING ... if you want to go inside the snow chamber before the event , then by all means dress up accordingly .
Time : 5.30 pm Jurong MRT ( for those not driving ) or 6 pm meet also can ...
What to bring : CAMERA ! If you don't bring too bad for you ~

List of people coming

Nigel
Kenny
Simone
Ee Mei
Wenhao
Puiyee
Shuning
Edmund
Weiyang
Zhiyang
Yiting
Lian Guan
Allan

Pending
Henky

So we reserved 15 places, currently there are 13 or 14 peeps coming ... did i miss out anyone ? ... Weehiong ! so how you can make it or not ? ~ let me know ... if you wish to ask me anything please call me directly . Reservation has been made already so don't make me go fly kite !... See ya folks

Location change ...

Location we change to snow city Korean BBQ steamboat !

Weiyang say VERY NICE ! ...

So we still waiting for the call from La Mei Zhi
La Mei Zhi has only 12 person table and 1 POT only ! !@#!@#@!

http://www.snowcity.com.sg/page.php?pageid=29&menuid=2
Snow city is 4 to 1 ! ^^

So its fixed !

So the list has been comfirmed ...

Kenny
Nigel
Ee Mei
Puiyee
Yiting
Simone
Edmund
Wenhao
Zhiyang
Weiyang
Lian Guan
Allan

Pending
Shuning
Henky

Ernest and Emeris won't be able to make it ... they have family parties going on so oh well. Mr Wee Hiong will be coming but quite late i think so have to play by ear . Weiyang will be doing the reservation for us so get ready your cameras peeps ! IF you free watch Ip Man ALSO . Its AWESOME !

Heres something from zhiyang ... " people can say bad things about you , but you should never say bad things about yourself "

True isn't it ... ? if you don't even love yourself then honestly ... its very hard for others to come to love you ... everything begins with self ... for life greatest struggle often occur within us ... so don't be nasty to yourself ! Time is finite for us ! so love your life and love yourself !

Hope you folks enjoy this holiday season and may all your dreams come true ... ^^

I hope ....

I hope i comfirm the list already and i manage to get the place ...

Currently those who had replied and comfirmed their sitting are

Nigel
Weiyang
Kenny
Wenhao
Simone
Ee Mei
Yiting
Edmund
Allan

Pending list are ...

Puiyee
Weehiong
Lian Guan
Shuning
Emeris
Ernest

..... so far if those on pending also turn up i got 15 people ... i still got more to call ... WEIYANG if you reading this please help check if i need reservation a not ... i think may hit 20 people if the list goes on ... might need to book a bus and send all to zoo liao~ ... looks like school trip to me LOL ...

New plan ...

The NYP Symphony Amor ... Not bad but make me a bit sleepy because too serene liao~ .

Anyway ! New plan here ... Weiyang says we go gather and dine at La Mei Zhi steamboat ...

$15 bucks per head ... i think ... quoted from a blogger and its at Novena .

Whos in at the moment ...

I have to comfirm the key people as usual ...

The name list will not differ much but i will still call tomorrow to double check ...

Its night time again ^^

Its 2 am and i'm making myself some night snacks . Maybe i'll catch some anime and off i go to bed ^^

Had a long chat yesterday with this special someone and we talk about ladies having the desire to have a fairy tale like relationship . Then i told her its almost impossible . Fariy tales are not true but you can have moments like those in the fairy tales during your relationship but its never possible to make yours like one . Fairy tales always have wonderful endings but you won't get to know what happens after that . In reality, you have to deal with the "what happens after the wonderful endings" for your own relationship ^^ theres a lot of work to it and its never ending . Love is a never ending thing so the effort to maintain it will also be never ending . Should you fail to maintain this "effort" then your love will end literally . I know both partners must work hand in hand and should one ceased to work then sometimes it really can't be helped . There is no point in going after someone who won't want to "work" with you . And sometime when you cool down after a heated argument . You may realised that a lot of the quarrels are just plain stupid or even not necessary . Quarrels doesn't happen when you two just met each other but why it became a frequent thing after being together ? I'm not talking about major issues like housing or debts or childcare .... i'm talking about silly things . If you are in a relationship . Maybe during the night when you are cool headed enough look back and reflect some of the quarrels you had ... were they silly ?

My snack is done ! so see ya folks !

Holy Shiet~

THE LAST PIT IN SINGAPORE WAS BOOKED FOR 27TH !#!@#!@# ....

Sorry folks all the pits for 27th is fully booked ... 26th got a lot of vancancies ... most are on holidays so still alright but those in camps de friday comfirm cannot make it ...

I seeking other alternative ... HOPE someone give up their pit location ... HOPE ~

BUT PLEASE ... if you have already reserved your 27th already DON'T GIVE IT AWAY JUST YET ... the GATHERING will still HAPPEN ... MUST GATHER !

Holy ... i should have planned it earlier ... even "special someone" can come, see la ... just now you tell me if i can get pit den say now come true liaozz ...

But today is very nice for me ... met up with "rare special someone" and had a long chat at the fountain ... WOOT ... isn't it nice ? ^^ hope you enjoy it ! i did too !

Folks .... Heres the plan ...

BBQ at ECP 27th ... ( Location may CHANGE if i cannot get pit ) 3 pm - 9 pm ( tentatively time )

Currently on list are

Kenny
Ee Mei
Nigel

Wenhao ( Instigator )
Allan
Weiyang
Zhiyang
Hengky
Simone
Puiyee
Ee Mei
Hush
Ernest
Emeris

On hold list : i have not called you all yet so give me some time to plan out ...
Edmund
Yiting
Christina
Shuning
Weehiong
Lian Guan

If your name not here AND I FORGET ABOUT YOU PLEASE TELL ME .... Not that i BO XIM just that i old le cannot remember !

IF things goes well the BBQ WILL happen ... if not then must call off liao ... In the mean while if you happen to read my blog and see this please comfirm your participation with me for those on hold list ... there may be some changes to the list of people coming ... depending on who i can get ....

Budget ? 10 bucks not a lot right ? Exceed a bit someone will cover LOL ... As for the food please tell me what you would like to have and i will try my best to get it ... and THERE WON'T BE MUCH CHICKEN WINGS this time because its troublesome !!! and there is always a lot of leftover base on past experience ... so thats about it ...

Now is the time ! EMO time !

The rain just bring back everything ...

I just remembered everything again ...

How bad i was ... how incapable i was ... how childish i was ...

Its all inevitable isn't it ? I couldn't give you the star i once promised you ... i couldn't be the one to sit beside you again ... Its not me anymore ... since a long time ago ...

They say time heals everything ... it has been like a few years already ... I can't remember the quarrels we had ... i can only remember the words you would use to encourage me when i'm sad or worried ... because they are the source of strength that helped me along ... its silly or even stupid to talk about all this ... its not about the sadness ... yes it does hurt even now but time made things easier to accept ... i can only thank you for the life's lesson you had taught me ... or rather without you ... i'll probably be the same ... and not realise where my weakness lies ...

Had i known all this before i met you ... would the outcome be different ? Probably not ... but thats just a lie ... a lie to keep myself from crumbling down back then ... It was quite a struggle back then to stay positive ...

LOL ... i dunno what to write anymore man ~ but ya i think i can still be emo a bit though lol ... I think when kenny read this he will say i got split personalities ... because i don't share with him ! but you know ... its not really like that ^^ How can a loanshark like me cry in front of you peeps ! I must maintain my LoanShark image u know ! Later my men in army say i cry i no face sia !

Ok ! I must go do something else liao ! Yes SLEEPING !

mm . .. .

Holy ~ today went back to school to fight war again ... YES REGISTRATION OF CORES ... I tell you !!! its like preparing to invade some country man ! and yes we suffered some casualties ... apparently J.M , Kitty and Huiling wasn't able to get into the same plan as ours ... Because when the clock strike 1330 HRS ... your finger better hit the enter button on the right time ... FOR THAT SPLIT MOMENT ! IF YOU ARE SLOW FOR EVEN A SECOND ! THERE GOES YOUR TIME PLAN ! Its the critical ... its that fierce ... Alright i'm making a big fuss over it but i hope ... during add drop period ... there will be people to change with them >.< afterall we all made the plans together and OF COURSE we hope to stay together ... So wait till add drop period .

I was pretty lucky because at 1329 HRS i start to click non stop like ... my life was dependent on it and POOF ... Me ... Kaiwen ... Jerry made it ... followed by Weiliang and Oliver ... Leslie Gang had a big hiccup ... The dowager pH say our plan sure cannot get ... but turns out hers to fail the fight first ... so Leslie's gang has to reshuffle the time table ... and end up Friday their class ends at 8.30pm ...

What to do ! ~ Its not like Poly or Secondary where time table is fixed and so simple to plan ... Now have to fight for it ... >.<

Oh well ~ Hope got people change !~

The night when there were 10 Folks~

COOL ! BOLTZ IS NICE ... its even better when you have 10 old friends watching with you !

What more can i say ...

Go catch the movie !

I have to paint house tomorrw >.<>.< have been putting it off too long ... and i have not been running for a while already ! time to go for night running soon ...

Idea came ... lets have a BBQ folks ^^ its not the food that matters ... just anyhow get some chicken wings and beehoon ... some otar~ .. some satay ... some drinks ... some stingray ... will do ... then WE can just gather ! because it becomes a reason to !!! ... its not the food ... its the getting together TIME AND THE AMOUNT OF MEMORIES that matters ... IF NEED BE ! i;ll be the organiser this time ! But NIGEL you will be helping me ! ^^ Shall we ?

Painting !

Busy with painting my house ... yes everybody's room and the hall is painted by me ... so far i only finish Mum and Dad's room ... yes ceiling painted ... ! Freaking hard to paint ceiling >.<>.< so only 50% is completed ... Just bought a new tub today and will finish the hall by tomorrow ^^ .

Then ! it will be my room ! Serene Frost ... close to cyan ... very light green ... frosty feeling ... since my new desk and wardrobe is coming in soon ... i better paint my room soon so i can move in the new furniture ... and i'm going to change to singnet !

Strange ... why do i suddenly miss you ?

Some pictures ^^

The glasses are from Japan ... gift to Simone from Yiting ! Somemore its the last set there !!!

The last paper ...

Whats the best thing about my life ?

Seriously have you ever asked yourself this ? Whats the best thing about your life ?

For me i can tell you that ... my life is considered to be very good ... I have enough to eat , a place to sleep , have been in love before , great friends , great schoolmates , very good family members . I couldn't ask for more ... my only wish is i can keep everything the way it is forever ... it might sound naive ... but yes if you think its naive of me to think in that way then i have to say i love my life this way no matter what you think ...

I don't need branded to survive ... i just need my folks to smile ... because when i am down the only thing that keeps me going is their trust in me ... their non pressuring assurance that i just have to do my best and wait for the results was a very good motivation ...

I needed my friends to be happy ... because when i am hit worst they will always be there to tell me that life is still good ... and chances are everywhere ...

And really ... life is that simple and great ... i may have been out of love ... but without that love before , i guess i won't really know how to love a person ... or rather how precious love can be ...

So what ARE the best thing about your life ... ?

Some Good News

Woo I got my frist grade from University .... Technical Communication ~

Abstract writing : B

Presentation : B+

· Fairly loud, articulate
· Good gestures
· Good explanation of slides
· Good images
· Smaller text

Final Report : B

Phew ... Those were the remarks for my presentation ... i thought my professor would say i will be good in selling pots and pans ... but overall i'm happy with this grading ^^

Its just not meant to be ....

Ever had a blank out during examination ? ... I almost did ... and even though the temperature was like 20°C i was perspiring .... my palm was perspiring too ! Just panicked ... and yes i made a lot of mistakes which i normally won't ...

Tabulated ... i think today paper at most earn me 40 marks ... ( with compassion ) ... if i did not make those silly mistakes ... i should be able to pass but ... ... ... Its over but >.< i just don't get it ... why things turn out this way .... this is the third paper and i'm sitting for another one tomorrow ... after which i had 2 more to go ... i just feel like stopping ... when i pen my solutions i was like thinking ... so what are my next plan ? Study in SIM ? Or go to work .... or what .... ? What can i do ? WHAT should my next path be ? Everything is like so out of place ... trying to keep myself calm and just finish the exam ... probably my last time in NTU ... its just not meant to be ... i'm just not good enough ... i tried ... but the results ... it just doesn't reflect the amount of effort i had poured in ...

Day and night ... study and study ... i force myself to get out of home and travel to school so i can focus purely on books ... everyday i spend like 10 over hours revising work ... but everything just crumbles during exam ... no point crying over spilled milk some may say but its just so heavy ...

I just feel so sad ... yes you heard me ... i'm sad ~

I'll finish my exam and most likely ( depends on the result ) chances of applying for withdrawal is very high ... then i'll go back to finish my 1 mth NS liability ... and during this time ... figure out whats most important to me ...

I'm so sorry peeps ... but i've tried ~

Everything is overkill ~

Maths ... was alright ... not so much to worry ...

Now another 2 MAJOR CORE ... Mechanics of materials and fluid mechanics ....

Heavy subjects ... with heavy theories and formulas ... ~ I will just finish this and proceed on ...~

Tuesday and Wednesday will be the exam for those 2 .... ~

Can make it or not doesn't matter ... ... told my Mum and Dad what happen for my Stats ... they tell me not to be so upset ... just finish my exam and focus on the rest ... until the result is out don't give up ...

I almost want to give up the rest ... but somehow or rather ... i still hang on ... why ? Not sure , maybe because i already made a promise to myself that no matter what i cannot stop halfway ... its just too irresponsible ... I'll just finish everything off with a bang ^^

The rain ... the aches ... the disappointment ...

When i thought i had done my best preparation ... i went into the exam hall ... temperature was very cold ... and i was shivering while doing the paper ... i almost walk out because i simply cannot do even half of the paper ... i tried but i am not confident ... some which i really couldn't write any thing down, i had to leave them blank ... for some, its until the last minute then i thought of the solution which i quickly pen it down ...

All that was in my mind when i glance at the question was ... "i'm so dead" ~

I can only shake my head when i leave the exam hall which lasted about 2 hours 40 minutes ...

I tried ... tried so hard .... yet why like that ? why at the crucial moment ... everything just crumbles down .... my mind want to go blank but i had to stop spacing out .... feel like crying so i might feel better ... but then i just feel so disappointed ... with everything ... i had to tell myself everything is over ... just forget about it and focus on the other upcoming ones .....

1st paper ! i think there is this 70% chance i might fail .... i hope i am wrong

Tomorrow is maths ... and sigh~ ... i revised for it days ago ... seems like i forogtten everything ... i think i am stupid .... ~ ~

When shit falls !

Statistic can be a pain in the ass ...

Never give up ...

Its the crucial moment ...

If you chance upon my blog and you are still mugging for exam ...

Hang in there ...

It will be over soon ...

Good Luck ....

Don't despair ....

Because i also will feel sad and want to throw my books and notes on the floor at times too ...

But when i think about my Mum and Dad ... i realise that this is nothing so hard to cope with ... i just had to study and revise ... if never do well never mind ... but i cannot give up just because its hard ... because giving up on something just because its hard ... is just not the way i should live my life ... hang on !

Saturday~

11am to 10 pm~ study~ ....

Don't know what i'm studying for man ~ ... for exam~ ... but just that fear i forget ... its not memory~ ... in university level ... its different ... so different ...

Continue tomorrow >.< hope i make it ...~

Woa~

Today got Physics Quiz ... not too bad ...~ can do , but energy conservation a bit lost ... Got back my fluid mechanic result ... waa very shocked ... i thought i can score like 8/10 but came back with a 5/10 3 unexpected errors ! when i redo again i found out i overlook some figures ....

JM was sitting beside me and he scored full marks .... he did not said a word after he saw my grades ... hes being polite ~ pretty thankful~ but doesn't really matter to me ... When i first recieved it ~ my heart naturally sink and they why question start popping out in my head ... i was very well prepared for this but WHY ? Then i had to tell myself to stop ... and i tell myself to learn from this mistake and not repeat it in the exam ... the quiz do count in the overall grade but whats done is done ... i have to overlook that expectation i had for myself ... i had to accept it and learn from my mistakes ...

As a whole i think i had high expectation for myself ... and sometimes i have to really remind myself that sometimes things won't go my way even if i put in a lot of effort ... just go in the exam hall and be myself ... can do means can do ... for now just revise ^^

Woo~

Maths quiz came as a surprise ... The prof "let water" so its a booster for us ... i think most get full marks ~ i did get full marks ... but 4 question 25 marks each ... and really ~ even you can do it ... too easy but everyone is thankful as it helps a lot in the grand total calculation ...

The exam is damm hard~ ... and i'm still hanging in there ... just that sometimes the fatigue sets in and i can doze off while reading or writing ~ ... but NO CHOICE ... its a make or break thing ... a lot of us study till very fustrated but we continue ... because its normal to feel it this way ... just take 1 hour off and go do your favourite thing ... running ... games ... whatever it is don't give up !

Its revision again so ... ya just reach home ... Midnight le >.< like what the Prof told us during the opening speech... Engineering Course Studen'ts life is ~ study 17 hours sleep 7 hours you got no time for other stuff .... Saturday and Sunday also must study ... i totally agree ... even if i use up the full 3 months semester ... i think i will still be struggling ... can you imagine ... i do all my tutorials twice ~ for everytime a quiz comes up, i redo my tutorials all over again~ the paper i used up is AMAZING man~ and the best part ... i can forget how i do those question -_- can't even understand howcome i know how to do sometimes ...

Oh well don't say so much going to 1 am ... short break for me and i must continue .. >.<~ 18 more days to holidays

Encouragement ...

I got back my chemistry quiz result ... 50/100 not bad ....~ definately i cannot compare with the lady who scored 100 ... but i'm happy ... why ? My effort paid off ! i thought i got ZERO but i scored something ~ and those which i did not manage to get correct ... i learned from it so i won't repeat my mistakes ... its a quiz to show me how much i know and how much i don't know ... the 50 marks ONLY is not to make me feel shitty about myself ... it is there to show me what i must work on ... i need to know the other 50% so in exam i can get even better grades ...

I know some of you got back your results and its like shit ... and judging from the time left and the amount of stuff we need to know before we sit for the paper is amazingly impossible ... but as i said ... if you have 100% of stuff you don't know ... you don't do anything about it ... when you sit for the exam you definately score 0% if you study now ... you will get something and if you're lucky you may pull through ... SO INSTEAD OF sulking and feeling scared DO YOUR REVISION AFTER A CUP OF COFFEE ... ( by the way i am having chicken pie and chocolate milk now ).

Weiling kept a mini book of encouragement quotes with hi during our revision time ... when he feel like shit he takes them out to read ... we are all burn out mentally ... yes i agree ... but if we give up at the most crucial moment is deem as suicide ... you won't want to die before you fire a shot into your enemy right !

When we wake up every morning ... WE HAVE TWO CHOICES ... CONTINUE TO CHASE OUR DREAM OR BECOME A NOBODY ... whats yours ?

Randy Pausch said in "Last Lecture". The Brick walls are there for a reason; they let us prove how badly we want things.” These brick walls are there to keep other people out.

So are you going to fight for it ? Or just let that brick wall stop you so easily ?

Everything comes with a price ... without effort you will get nothing ...

Hang in there no matter how gloomy it seems ...
The sun will still rise the next day ... the earth will still continue to spin ... and you have to continue to live as if everyday is your last ... for your days are finite ... don't waste it ... cherish it ... and most importantly ^^ make the best out of everything you do ... don't give up trying because if its hard means its worth the effort achieving whatever you are doing ... if its so easy then its probably worth nothing ~ .... take care and good luck peeps ~

hows the war coming~

Theres a saying .... you fail to plan ... you plan to fail ...~ am i planning ? I did a timetable for revision ... and really its not sufficient ... but i'll make do with every hours i can spare ... saturday will be in school full day ... sunday also ... i rejected Nigel's invitation for lan~ and probably for the next coming 4 weeks i will be in school everyday till 10.30 pm ... its my last effort to push myself . Whatever the outcome is ^^ i'll just see how it turns out ...

Studying in NTU is woa challenging ~ try doing Eng Courses~ the load is amazing~ Its fun~ and i hope to continue my time there ^^ Mum gave me the usual smile ... and the green light to get bike license if i am still in school next semester ^^ She say one thing " Get those with low horsepower ! She doesn't want me to speed~ and get myself into uncessary dangers but she understand my concerns about the time spent on travelling is just not worth it ... so ^^ for them for myselves i'll just not give up ~ its not the end yet !

So you too, who is studying like theres no tomorrow shouldn't give up trying ... i know it sucks but bear with it ... you will emerge a better person through these ordeals ... the punishing hours spent on notes , tutorials and past year paper ... endless discussion with friends to understand how formulas work ... all theses won't be for nothing ... it slowly shapes you as a person ... turning you into someone who don't give up easily when problem arises ...

Life is finite ~

Those having exams ~ HANG IN THERE ! and STUDY HARD !

I stay in school till 11pm everynight ! reach home 00.30 am ! ~ i still read till 2.30 am ~

So if you think its hard and want to give up ! DON'T ! Just do it ! your effort will be paid off !

I know those in NTU now some of you have difficulties in completing your work and finding time to even start revision ! I ALSO ! BUT i just shrugged those worries off and push on !

Just use your time to think about your work and don't let your worries bother you ... your best solution to all these is continue to revise your work and make sure you put all your effort in ... i got tons of stuff i've yet to know ! and exam is like in 2 weeks ? LOL but NO TIME FOR WORRIES ! so go on ! give it your best shot ~ life is finite ! don't waste it on worrying !

? ? ?

F = MA

Continuity Equation = Q in = Q out

Momentum Equation => F net = M in - M out

Laminar Flow Re < 2100

Turbulent Flow Re > 2100

The list goes on ...~ thats like a chapter in one of my fluid mechanics course only >.<>.< if i add up all the hours i study in this semester ... its more than the time i use in 3 years poly ~ and after my paper ~ i comfirm post a picture of how high my notes and tutorials can stack up~ ... you would be amazed~

I want a change ...(edited)

Studying has become an addiction. Never mind if i don't do well in quizzess or exams though the feeling sucks, but for me its only going to last a while and i will get over it. Because deep down i've already did my best and if its not sufficient to get what i want. I just have to do even better. I enjoy the studying process now and i love it.

I may not know a damm thing but if i am willing to take a step forward and ask questions to clarify my doubts, at the end of the day i will learn something. I've been studying late into the night with friends and also finishing my work together with them. Its a new begining for me as i used to be someone who study alone. Knowing that i had to make changes or i risk not having what i want . I decided to get out of my usual routine to give it a shot. Its not the final grades that matter. I just don't want to sit for a paper and write nothing . I will write something ... it may not be right sometimes but as long as i understand what i am writing , i am confident i will not get zero. I want to finish this degree ... honours or no honours ...~ never mind ~ Its the process of getting it that makes the whole journey worth while.

I tell myself that no matter what happens i must be able to accept failure. I am lucky to have a comfortable life without having to go through what those less fortunate people has to , but because of this i am always weaker when it comes to certain issues . I feel that those who went through the tough part in life are the ones who are able to pick themselves up and emerge stronger

Until we fall ... we won't know how strong and how capable we are ... how a person become stronger has somewhat link with the amount of failure he/she had went through. Failure isn't there to stop you , it is there to teach you a lesson which you must be able to accept and make the correct changes. It is a reminder that we are not perfect as humans and we must not give up in trying to reach what we want.

Sometimes i also feel sad becuase i did badly ... but then ^^ i have limited time on earth so ... i can choose to pity myself over it or do something about it ... so i choose to do something about it ^^ . So why complain ? when you can do something about it ... and why complain when you can't do anything about it ? Just shrugged it off :P

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/ check this link out about "The Last Lecture"
I find it very good ... and it IS very good ... Its about computer science professor Randy Pausch at Carnegie Mellon University delivering a last lecture called “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams.” And if you want to know why its titled as'The Last Lecture" .. go check out ^^ you won't be disappointed ^^

Speechless

Stats quiz ... 2 question ... first Q i think i only got like 60% right ... should be ablet o get the whole thing correct one ! but TMD careless ...~ multiply wrong formula ...

2nd question ... stun ... totally don't know how to do ... ~ study like shit ... quiz like that ... but its ok ... i'm happy that i put in effort ... thats all i want to say to myself ... i did my best ... for this paper ... i just learn from this mistake ... and move on ^^

Holy Cow ... Mugging can be addictive ..~

Holy cow ... today Prof went through the quiz questions ... i did a tabulation of the question i got correct ... its close to 10/20 or maybe 9/20 or 11/20 but thats a very good news for me already ... the fact that i got so stressed out i forgot to write my name on the paper ... and i can only comfirm 4 question i can do ... getting that mark was a good thing ... the mean grades for this quiz was 9-11 ... and 1 guy score perfect ...a handful got 16 and above .. so i belong to the average group ... consider safe ... so but i can't be bothered with that now ... i have been mugging for tomorrow quiz for the past 2 nights ... my time in school stretched from 9 am to 10 pm ... woot ... same for today and i'm going to continue till 3 am ... otherwise i cannot finish everything ... hell~

Examination preperation had begun ... 3 more weeks to paper ... NOT ENOUGH TIME BUT ... i will make time !!! for the time i fail is the time i stop trying ...

Woa~ Thank you

I was feeling like shit yesterday ... woke up in the middle of the night ... only to realise i forgot to write my name and matric number on my test paper before i submitted it ... immediately i wrote an E-mail to my Prof ...~ citing the reasons and apologising ... today went to school to find him and phew ... set my mind at ease ...

^^ Never mind for the chem quiz ... this thursday i got Stats ... ~ so ya~ studying for it like never before ...

Weiliang gave me lots of motivation when he told me of stories he heard and his own life experiences ...

A friend of his : Whats 99 x 0 equals to ?

Him : Zero

A friend of his : Whats 99 x 1 equals to ?

Him : 99

If you do nothing ( zero ) no matter how many chances ( 99 ) i can present to you ,you will still end up with nothing ...

It brings back to one of the things which i mention before ... where you are today is what you did back then ... so where i will be in the next few years time will be the results of what i do now ... the past the present and the future has but a very fine thread of existence inbetween . I can say honestly ... i am very motiviated again thanks to him ...

If you have the time to feel sad ... it means your situation isn't very bad ... go do something about it ...

>..<

GOD ! ~just when i feel that i did not bad for technical communication ... i flunk my chemistry like WOA ...

Not feeling sad but rather ... can i really finish this ... semester ... I KNOW ! don't think just study ... ~ learn from mistakes ... really feel like go back finish my NSF liability which is like 1 month then i go become fireman .... SONG BO~ i really got that sudden surge ...

>.< today i gave my presentation i and i think not bad ! manage to get everybody's attention and made them laugh a bit ... so the whole thing won't be so boring . They tell me i can go sell stuff ... just like back then in poly ... the lecturer also commented that i would make a good salesperson ... holy~ now i really don't know what i'm good at ... i just want a normal job la~ normal salary ... normal life ... so that should one day i get a girlfriend ... i can ask " would you marry me ", she won't think twice before answering me because of my income ... ~ i don't feel confident if i don't land a proper job .... i don't feel confident of making her happy ... reality is reality ... bread and butter issuses is one thing i don't want it to end up on the list of worries ... in fact ! i don't want to have any worries ... i just want simple life la !!! so hard ma~ ... whats with the degree ... WHY WHY WHY ... no degree means not capable ma ? we all know its not true ... but why like that ... i'm doing what i can ~ i really am ... still it did not end up the way i hope it would ... so whats in store for me ... i wish to know ...

What is this ...

Seriously i think i'm very stupid ...~

20 chemistry question i can only comfirm i got 4 correct ... i am so disappointed ... i thought i was fully prepared .. but ... 20 MCQ i cannot even do ...

I wonder whats really at the end of of this semester for me ...

Its so tough to continue ...

Video and PIctures

The job market now very bad so Nigel no choice ... must work as an excavator operator ...

Simone also out of job at the moment T_T
OEI NIGEL WHAT YOU DOING !
Cool design for a garden right ^^
Fun ^^ It was a very fun day ^^ For more information please visit Simone's blog ... if you're not invited to read her blog then sorry >.< :P

More events coming up so ! ! ! i think i should start looking for a better camera !

TADA

Southern Ridges walk ... 9 km ... i uploaded some photos so take a look ^^ more will be coming !

Woot

Today quiz's was screwed up ... maybe i got it like 60% right only >.< but i like this professor very much ... the way he teach is much better than sitting through 3 hours of lecture ... in short he summarised 3 chapters worth of materials in 20 minutes ... but his quiz would also required us to finish it with lightining speed ... Ladies and Gentlemen ! you have 5 minutes to finish this ... Question flashed ... ~ my heart pumped like its going to jump out ... i raced though my thoughts to start finding the solution ... 10 seconds and my hand start moving ... but i'm still shivering with a bit of fear ... my hand keeps shaking T_T and i told myself to calm down and i started to calculate ... LOL but i made one careless mistake in subtracting a value so my diagram was off for a region ... i wasn't sad ... because i know my level of understanding is there !! just that too careless so with that i know what i have to look out for in exam ... ^^ the quiz holds about 10% for the final grade but its alright ^^

Thats all for school ...

I was planning to get a new camera ... to snap photos of new friends in school and also to capture my good old friends happiest moments ^^ i have this wish ... that when i grow old one day i will still be able to show them all these photos ... in fact ... i have those developed photos with me ... Pictures with Yiting ... Puiyee ... Edmund .... Chalet times ... when Nigel and Allan hair was very long ... Moments like these are hard to keep in our head ... so i want to take them down ! make an album if i can ! and one day when its so full ... i can show it to them ... ^^ woot ~

If i grow old ... i want to sit on a rocking chair and tell stories ... of all my friends .. to my grandchildren ... for they are precious people in my life ^^

I still love this ...

I wonder if i am silly to wait for time to pass,always hoping that even if i'm not your first love but i will someday be your last. That night when i held you was the last ever miracle to me. Without you i am like a caged bird waiting for my next love to come and set me free.

>.<

Pretty normal day for me ... did not manage to drive more stuff into my brain this weekend again ... somehow i'm wondering what am i doing sometimes ... do i really know my work ? some i force myself to memorize ... There are quiz almost every week ... and really ... i don't know whats the outcome ... i'm prepared to spend the next few weeks in school ... till 9.30 pm unless i have reports to do at home ... had to cut myself away from all the temptation at home ... everything ... feel so pressured to pass ... ya perhaps i really am under a lot of stress ... still have so much i've yet to know ... or really understand ...

I often escape away from all these by enjoying myself ... paying visits to grandma house ... hanging out with the groupies ... this saturday i think we going for the 9km walk i guess ...

Today ... lol i went to find grandma~ just because i want to feel safer ... i'm just feeling so scared ... its hard to describe my fear here ... i went and i tell her .. i'm so afriad i fail ... while sitting there she just tell me ... study hard and you won't fail ... go have your dinner ~ usual smile usual warmth ...

Though we don't talk much ... but she took care of me for years .... she took care of me and my sister in place of my working parents since young ... i must say ... she dote on me a lot ... what she has given me ... its a lot which i cannot return ... shes just there ... holding my hand to cross the road ... making sure our meals are taken care of ... taking us for walks ... not much of words between us ... just plenty of smiles ... plenty of holding each other hands ... now she has aged more ... when we visit temples together with my cousin ... either him or me will make sure we hold her hand ... for she has been holding ours for a long long time ... its the least we can do for her ... to let her know that we are always around ... and that we know since then she has always been there for us ... ^^ i just have to believe her and do my best ... not thinking of other thing else ... hang in there ... bite burn eat all the books if i have to ... i'll just give it a shot ...

... Friday Night

Commitment ... Passion ... Intimacy

Factors that are crucial for Successful Marriage or Relationship ~

Agreee ? Don't Agree ?

I got that from a book which i got recently which talks about marriage ... must upgrade myself to understand marriage issues ... so i can help provide a listening ear to those married ^^

All 3 are equally important ... and i think commitment is ONE big factor ...

Coool

House Bunny Nice

So do watch it !

What hearts ? what coach ?

LOL sorry i'm dumb when it comes to those branded stuff ... because i got no fashion sense ... and i have the typical LoanShark wear on me all the time ... pouch and berms and anyhow T-shirts ...

Because its comfty ! I can run and move around in the most comfortable manner ... i believe brands are like ... for people with that particular charm to bring out the brand ... if your attitude like fiak ... no matter what you wear or carry ... you will still be a fiak ... for example like me ... i wear what also look like loanshark ... i got no choice ... but if your attitude good ... you wear what or carry what normal bag people will also love you ... if not ! you better dump your branded stuff because it will be branded as fakes ~ ...

Lets touch on some issues that might be close to your heart ... ever wonder how you rank in your friend's heart ? I seriously don't know for my case ... but i know ! if i am physically around them and anybody try to pick a fight with them ... i will join in and beat the shit out of the troublemaker ... but i also make sure they start first so i can defend myself when police come lol ... if i cannot be bothered with you ... i will still help you ... but i just shout for police ... LOL if police never come ... i must say sorry to you ... ~ Ok enough with that ...

I also not very sure on this segment of friends stuff ... because i've heard of so called best friends backstabbing each other ... so i cannot make judgement on this ... i might have to go and poll in school and ask around first .... until i reach a conclusion ... think about it ...

Woot

Simone's blog is very intresting ~ but sorry not all gets to read it ... MAYBE i should lock my blog also but this depressive blog about life in school not worth locking up ...

School is going to end in a month time and its EXAM ... well i'm preparing myself to start doing past year paper and SERIOUSLY i am feeling so scared everyday that i will fail the exams ... i know ! i must have confidence ! but still scared ~ i'm not afriad of the jungle the darkness ... but i am scared of exams . Simply cannot overcome it ... i just had to remind myself everytime its going to be ok and the folks all "see me up" ( got confidence in me ) ...

So ~ Giving myself a break first before i lock myself in the room till 9 pm ... ... and seriously i learn quite a lot from the 3 ladies whom i and Nigel hang out with till 6 am in the morning ... now i know WHAT WORDS CAN'T BE USED in certain situation ! But i also explain the underlying meaning of certain words which weren't what it seems to be ... Its the Mars Vs Venus thing ~ ... but i accept their reasoning and it will really help in the future ! ^^ Woot~

For more information please join us for Coffee Talks ~ Please contact Nigel if you wish to participate ... participation fee is Free but please bring your own cash for what ever stuff you might be having ...

Its a pleasant day

As usual ... i woke up late . Actually i have to stop sleeping at 3 am because my sleeping time will eat into my mornings ~ which is rather unhealthy ... so i better make a promise with myself that i will sleep before 1 am and wake up at 8 am everyday . Except for tuesday where i have to wake up at 6.30 am to get ready for school .

I went thought my statistic stuff and mange to clear a few question which i'm pretty happy about it . If i can do it means i understand it which makes me feel better ^^ at least i won't feel so fearful about it .

Went over to Grandma's house but no one was there ... so i spend my time watching F1 and dozed off halfway .

Thats my Sunday ... before i head back home from there Grandma came back ... as usual a happy smile from her when she sees me but i had to bid her farewell because its rather late ... but its surprisingly peaceful today ...

I hope monday is the same ^^

^^ So is everything cool for you ?

Its been like ages since i saw Esther ! Yes a very close friend of mine ... and quite happy to hear from her few days back and Simone saw her ... if YOU happen to be reading this ... means i still remember you and definately miss you ! There are quite a few which i didn't had a chance to ask them out for dinner . Busy on my part and they have work obligations to fufill ... but if you are one of those i've dine with means you are on the unforgotten list.

Tonight was extremely great ... even though its just Nigel and Simone ... small group , long chats ... 2 plus am in the morning we still talking at S-11 ... Very long since i last talk so much ... seriously i'm enjoying it ... ^^ very nice~ Oh Simone you got very nice earings by the way ... ^^.

Cool~ so school starting and ... time to dive deeper into the books ... and also live my life without having this regret that i never tried hard enough in NTU ...

Because i've come up with this !

You will not enjoy life when you have filled up your heart with so much regrets ...

Do you have a direction in life ?

I've been looking at myself ... or rather the path i'm taking ... i wonder what do i gain at the end of it ... sometimes my thoughts contradict with what i'm doing ...

I know my key intrest lies in helping people with relationship problems thus came the dream of becoming a counsellor since young ... ( LOL i can't help myself i know ! )

But LOL i'm studying engineering stuff ... water is a cool subject and intresting but the path to studying it is definately not what i expected it to be ( thats life ~ ) ...

Then i remembered life is short ... and i should do something i'm happy with ... which is back to my dream of course ... so really ... i have no idea where i would end up ... i try to make myself forget that University is tough ... and that i can manage just as long as i put in effort ... thats my mentality ... haha

I just wish that should that day come i have that courage to take that step ... the step to change my life totally ... because i can't really accept failure ... or rather i'm afriad of failing ... so i really admire people who held their heads high even though they suffer set backs ... because i'm not sure if i can do that ... if you ask me I think Nigel is a very brave person i've seen ... while pursuing his diploma in NYP he decided that this is not for him and he just quit to join an Arts school ... If it was me ... i will continue and finish it ... Haha sometimes i really wish i was as brave as him ... really ...

So ... whats my direction ... i've no clue ... i'm just following the mainstream ... finish poly get to uni and try to get a degree ... still hanging in there trying ... but i wish i had some answer for myself ...

Hahah just relaxing now ...

I needed a break from my studies so i came here to write something ^^

How do you come to love ?
Was it because you found your perfect prince charming or princess ?
Was it because you changed your view on love ? That love itself was to view an imperfect someone perfectly ?

So what is it for you ?

Well the folks who read this blog are all above 20s~ already ... if you happen to read my blog and happen to be under 20 then perhaps you should realise that no one is perfect ... maybe there are a few wonderful humans out there but as for the general population i feel that we're not perfect . Sorry if i my remarks actually offended anyone but thats how i feel .

So ... how do you come to love ? If you are already in love ... and you're unhappy i hope you will ask yourself instead of seeking the answer from your partner . He/She is not responsible for your own happiness ... you are ! If you can't accept he/she for who they are then probably things won't really work out in the long run . Eventually the cracks will widen and ( here we go again ) ~ , those never ending quarrels ... blablabla~ i think no body wants it ^^ so you have to work on accepting it ... if he/she cheats on you then don't accept it ! i hope you folks get the idea i'm trying to say here ... there are those extreme cases which isn't good at all, so its up to you to judge what is acceptable for yourself ... afterall its your happiness we're talking about ... not mine , not your friends or your relatives . Its all about you ^^

All these are applicable to friends too ^^ in fact many are doing it unknowningly ... You like talking to this person ... he/she becomes your friend and sometimes when they do stuff you dislike ... you accept the fact that this is him/her ... and when it goes beyond your acceptance level you drop them ~ . Isn't this happening ? It is isn't it ... ~

Oh well ~ time to go back to my books ... what should i write next time ? no clue ...~

Relax Relax ...

If you could trade what you have now ( everything in your possession ) for something ... what would it be ?

Would it be to have a happy life ?

Would it be to bring back someone whom you misses a lot ?

Would it be something for mankind ?

What would it be ?

I'm also thinking about it

Soo Tired ... Fatigue level all time high ...

Well Kenny, so you're back to London to study again ... be sure to come back during your vacation ^^ . Last night send off was ... like a party ... No tears ... i still remember the first time we send Kenny off to London ... many folks were crying ... but this time round ... totally different . Study hard and i hope to see you soon ^^ .

After sending him off ... its almost 11pm ... took cab home with Ee Mei and Puiyee ... then i began to write my lab report till 4 am ... HOLY and it wasn't really completed but i got no energy to edit it anymore . The package from SIM came ... inside was the information on the courses i picked . Looks pretty ok to me ... But i'll leave it there first for the moment .

I had a quiz yesterday morning too ... full marks ! Well partly because the tutor use a same question in the tutorial and i was refering to it just moment before the quiz start so i'm pretty lucky so far i guess .

IF everything goes smooth till the end of this semester ... i should be having a bit more time in school ... ^^

Alright i'm too tired to continue now ... another time perhaps ~

Say ~

I've been wondering for the past 1 month ... and the groupies also realise that i'm very stressed out in school ... then they give me their view on the current situation i'm in ... my cousins and relatives also had given me their views ...

I am making a big decision now ... but i just study what ever is given to me ... intrest or no intrest ... i just do it ... but seems like its pretty difficult for me to continue in this field ... not really what i expected it to be ... Cousins told me the reality of life ... its the income vs qualification ... i know it too well ... when i tell them i may sign on to become a firefighter ... they tell me to really consider things carefully ... seriously if i do that ... the only reason is for my Mum and Dad only ... then people tell me to consider the future for myself ... i've never really think about it that much after entering army ... i just want to get a degree ...hold a decent job which commands a decent salary and thats it ... its just that simple ... but reality isn't really kind to me ... however after giving much thoughts ... its really just to continue and give it a shot at it since i'm already there ... if i have to suffer setback ... then it better be now ... haha at least i'm still young enough to try things again ... so really if i cannot make it ... i won't stop getting a degree ... i already had my 2nd plan in mind ... definately not firefighter yet ... ^^

New York New York

Cool Menu You both got really funny expression .... ^^
My desert at NYNY

I only took some photos for last night event ... was the eve of my quiz but any i think i did quite well for the quiz so thank goodness . I got quite a few videos but they have to be first screened by the folks before i can post them up :P So stay tune

I just feel like stopping ...

I shouldn't be complaining its tough ... i should be grateful i had a chance to study in NTU . But then again i keep having that feeling i cannot make it . Its not an imaginary fear . I've been trying to understand everything that's being taught . I stay back in school to do tutorials , i take down notes and i forced myself to stay awake to read no matter how tired i am . Yet with all these i'm lagging behind ... very badly . How ? Everyone says i can make it ... i know its an encouragement . But i know deep down i may not make it ... i'm in a boat thats sinking and i'm the only one who can scoop out the water . Only i'm sure of the extend of the problem i'm facing .... most say i'm too stressed out ... but hello ! i won't even be saying about these for weeks if i can really cope ... if anyone just by being hardworking can accomplish this then EVERYONE can get a good degree ... you need to be a bit gifted in study to excel in it ... I'm not blaming anyone ... i'm just nagging here ... just trying to find a place to vent things ... i just want to vent it out ....

I had that stupid idea of going into fire fighting if i cannot make it ... LOL but its true ... suddenly that idea came into my head ...

I wish i had someone .... somone to tell me that its really fine to fail at times .... someone to tell me its ok to cry and its just a matter of picking yourself up after i fall .... someone who really understand the fear i'm going through .... someone to just tell me that everything will be fine in the end ...

Its .. like getting no where ...

I attended lectures today ... andwave after wave of new stuff keeps coming .... tutorial for chemistry was terrible for me ... i though i had understood the concept ... and i was so wrong . I don't know why ... but at that particular moment ... i feel like giving up ... its like i knew i will definately fail the exam if these were to happen ... i'm like doing something impossible ... my electrochemistry is so messed up T_T ... oh last few weeks the maths is crazy ... we're doing limits ... and the continuity functions ... its those stuff where equation approaches infinity then you have to assume this assume that .... OMG that is a big killer for me ... i hate limits when it approaches INFINITY ... very hard to solve T_T ... hope things will get better ~

Bike !

Yes i'm considering taking up class 2b liscence ... I'm getting tons of "no no no ..." friends , mum , dad ... basically those around me . I know its dangerous ... and its definately fatal if accident occur ... but i'm getting too tired to travel to school ... its a 1 hour 30 minutes trip to school ... and 2 hours trip home .... everyday 3 hours 30 minutes was spent on transport ... i don't get to sit down most of the time when i return home ... i know i'm young and i should stand but sometimes i'm just so tired from the classes i wish i could get a sit and rest my mind ... but often i had to squeeze with people who finished working. I want to get home fast ... and rest ... most of the time i would want to stay back in the library and do my study before i go home ... but it gets so late sometimes ... and i would fefinately want to get home fast ... car is not an option ... the monthly payment will kill me and the fuel is WOA ... amazing . Its not a good investment ... bike is good in the long run ... i'm actually using my life as a trade here ... in fact i'm risking myself ... i know its dangerous ... but 3 hours everyday ... i could have rest more ... study more ... but i'm still thinking ... because Mum don't like the idea ... i can just ignore them and go ahead ... theres nothing they can do to me but i just don't feel good if i do it ... its like i'm not respecting their wishes ... but its getting tiring now ... my school days normally stretches from 8 am to 8 pm ... even if classes starts around 11.30 am i would go early ... to do work ... normally wednesday and friday where classes ends around 4.30pm i would stay back till 9.30 pm to finish my work or do some reading .... then ? if i take train ... i will reach home at 11.30 pm ... and the class next day begins at 10.30 ?

It would be good if i stay there but ... theres too much distraction in school ... i won't tell you how fun it is but from the way my folks in school are telling me ... drinking and chatting till 4am ?supper till 5 am ? hall activity ? ... i know its up to me to control ... but if you don't join in the fun you will some what spoil the whole atmostphere ... so .... no hall :P i want to maintain it this way ... year 2 is too crucial for me ... and from all the information ... as long as i'm able to pass this phase ... my life will be slightly easier when i'm in year 3 and 4 ... i want to finish what i started ... ^^ so bike or no bike ... tough choice ~

Jealousy ... what is it about ?

Alright i'm in the middle of my work but i decided to take some time to write this .Take it as a form of rest . Its 12 am so forgive me if i have any typo or any formulas inserted in.

Though i'm not in a relationship currently . I used to be in one so i think i have some clue about what jealousy is , like how it feels and stuff .

First thing ... Guys DO GET JEALOUS ! but they won't show it immediately ! they hold it in and choose to believe that everything is fine and also to uphold the so called "if you love me , you should trust me" honestly ... don't give me this crap now or i will slap some sense into you if you tell me this . Guys trust their love definately when they don't see anything . Guys are visual so they just get the information straight away "OMG a guy with my girl !" "What could they be doing" You know where we get all these stupid ideas from ? MEDIA ! FRIENDS ! ... these information make guys go crazy sometimes when they imagine things . Then they stop trusting the ladies . Its unfair ... because the missus did nothing wrong ! but think again ... if you jab him with "if you love me , you should trust me !" it will make matter worst ... its not about trusting you ... let me put it this way ... if ladies fell in love with a guy they can too fall in love with another person ( its a fact ... its the same for guys as well thats why ladies get jealous too )... thats what guys will think when they get jealous, then they get pissed off ... so when this fear eats into them ... they become possessive and all the not so good behaviour comes into play .

Jealousy makes them feel insercure too ... they doubt themselves if they don't recieve sufficient assurance from their love ... even the most confident can fall in love . Its about assurance and not " if you love me, you will trust me " PLEASE for your own sake if you're in a relationship don't ever use it ... its not going to help ... like what a lady would want ... assurance ... its the same for guys ... we don't show it doesn't mean we don't want it ... we're all human beings ... who doesn't want to be loved and assured .... but normally guys are like frankenthing ... dumb and seldom know how to express themselves .... most of the time they do it in a wrong manner which complicate matters so , ladies if you ever read this entry , please have patience with them ...

I actually went around asking about this topic in school and the guy say they won't want to share their love with anyone ... but seriously if your guy don't feel even 1% jealous if you got too close to a guy or your best friend ... means something is wrong .... I KNOW ! you're going to tell me because he got faith in you ? I think i will tell you this instead ... " i think hes no longer intrested in you to even care about you being with another males " :P sounds a bit harsh right ? i'm just trying to tell you not put so much faith in that " if he(you) love me... he(you) will turst me " .

I shall stop here ... took me 30 minutes back to my work now ... maybe i continue if I get some new thoughts again . ^^

IF you think ...

So its like coming to the end of the 5th week in school ... Time really FLIES ~ Every now and then i will get that negative thinking ... but i always adjust my mind set before i go to school ... somehow i'm getting better at calming myself ... maybe its all because i decided to take things as it comes, rather than worrying for the future which may not even happen ...

Heres a piece of advice ... maybe a bit too late but NEVER EVER throw your school notes away ... those tertiary ones will serve you very well if you are pursuing in a similiar higher tertiary education. They are so detailed and more informative than the ones given by my Prof sometimes ... and it really bridges the gap .

Last night me and Jerry spent like 3 hours to do 2 question LOL ... because we never read up first and we just attempt the question ... or rather our concept of the chapter isn't very strong . Kaiwen and QianYing joined later in the night and they really can do tutorials ... even the maths which involve limits and infinity series .... i don't even know what i should write ! they manage to do it ... i think i have to spend a bit more time on books ... haha

mm . . . . maybe if i have time ! that is later tonight ? i'll write something about jealousy too ! in a guy's perspective .... the opposite of Simone's article .... ^^ Lets take a look into how some guys really feel about this ... YOU would be surprised ... stay tune

>>>run and run

Later going for that 10km Nike~ Run .... The wenhao ... nigel ... kenny will be running this time .... and we're signing up for the 42km RUN WAHAHAHA .... that will be like crazy .... i've only marched 36km will full body packs but never ran that long before ... i guess i really must get my butt off the chair and run if i want to survive that 42km ... allan chen was like telling me to run that 42km also ... i use to run with him and HT during the evening when i was still in camp and they told me i should give it a try ^^ but i have to train up for that ...

Argh raining ... if the rain continues ... the rain will be cancelled T_T.

And one last thing to add before i go ... please watch wall-e !!! Nice ^^

wa EXCELLENT PICTURE LA !

Woa i read Simone's blog then i saw these ! WOOT ! Powderful right ^^ Its at the top section of the waterfall in Cambodia :P

No time now la ! So back to books sorry >.< Oh OH NIKE RUN NEXT SUNDAY ...

Heehee adjusted in ... i will give my best ... ^^

Alright ... school is like the first time i in army ... scared and scared ... i found my allies of course and i'm testing out the system at the same time . I am still ok in term of understanding because i am always a chapter behind the professor . Its not the end ... so ^^ i'm going to hang in there and enjoy the late night mugging and fretting over studies ... i have to take it in a positive manner ...

I remember years back when i was in secondary school ... i always get F9 for my A maths ... you guys must be surprised ... I was good with E maths but not A maths ... my maths teacher ... Miss Tai then was very nice to me ... when the mid term exam result was out she wanted to see my mother because its meet the parent session ... Mum went and she told her this ... " Your son very playful and very good at consoling himself ... but one thing i must admit ... he very persistence . " I remembered her words even till now as no one had ever praise me with such strong words. For that i slogged myself everyday on A maths ... Eventually i got C5 in O level and i was very happy ... I survive maths but LOL i flunk my pure physics because i simply didn't think much about it ...

Here i am in University ... i always think i'm lucky ... but i think i did make some effort to get to where i am today ... so how can i let it pass me so easily ^^ even if i had to cry to finish this ... i will cry to finish this ... i've come too far to give up ... i got so many folks cheering me on ^^ so i'm alright now ... when you see me in a daze ... actually i'm trying to think of formulas so chill ok ^^ i may not like what i'm studying now because it has no link to what i really want but i love the knowledge i've gained ... :P to be honest i want to get my major in environmental and at the same time do a minor in psychology ^^ YAY PSYCHOLOGY ... my dream la ~ ask shuning .. ask anyone, i want to be in that field ever since young ... now i got a chance to get that ! so i must GET IT BECAUSE I WANT IT ... although in paper like what Allan say ... weird combination ... but i don't really care ^^ .

Anyway i watched Cyborg She with Puiyee today ... the folks all cannot make it ... so only me and her ... and shes the only one who will entertain Japanese Movie request with me ... The rest of the folks don't like sobs movies ahahah ... so how was it ? EXCELLENT LA ... i love movies which can reach into my heart ... i want to feel feelings ... sad or happy ... i want to understand feelings ... i don't get to learn more about emotions now because everybody in school is like so distant ... and thus i am not able to peer into their hearts to see the real them ...

Its a very lonely thing when you can't share whatever you are feeling ... don't you all agree with me on this ? I believe that at some point of your life you may had felt this and at that point of time your heart really cries because its starting to feel lonely ...

^^ Woot ... back to books and i'm running next sunday Nike race :P with Nigel and Kenny ... maybe i'll take some photos :P Till then ... stay healthy and happy ... for we only live once and lets make this life a memorable one ... peace !

Ok heres some review ...

Week 3 is coming to an end ! So far i think i can manage somehow ... with some help of course .

Let me give you a brief description of what i'm studying ...

I'm in the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering ....
Currently i'm doing modules mainly on Civil Engineering ....
Stuffs like
- Mechanics of materials = Physics T_T ( Extremely tough )
- Foundation Physics = More physics
- Essential Mathematics = This one ok ...
- Environmental Chemistry = can understand a bit
- Fluid Mechanics = MORE calculation
- Engineering Probability and Statistics = Another killer
- Lab work
- Technical Communication = Basically to draft reports like an Engineer >.< ( Project )

So Ya lor .... 1 day 24 hours not enough ... if i had longer time ... i think its not that hard to do well actually :P Finally adjusted myself in .... Mugging and Mugging and of course i don't push myself so much that i stare at questions i don't know ...I go back school and ask those PROS !

I'll let my dearest people like you all ... know the dark side of the folks in school ... you see grading are done in a bell curve manner .... so if you flunk means other people who do averagely may be pushed upward .... so some folks inside there simply don't share their knowledge with you and demand you to share yours with them . Of course for me i share if i know ... but when i ask them back ...GUESS WHAT ? They tell me they don't know .... the following day in tutorial class ... i ask "hey you manage to do all ?" they finish everything ... i feel so sick of them ... you're like using me to climb up and then kill me so you will survive ... if it was really combat in life to fight for survival and i know that you are such a person i would have gladly let you die. So much for being kind and nice to those folks ... Worst still ... they make hell lot of noise in class ... one particular person ... everytime the Professor finish a sentence .... he would "ah huh" , "Yah..so" , "therefore ?" , "absolutely right !" , "Hmm ... Like replying to the professor as if they were having conversation ... Here i am trying to understand what the professor meant ... you make one so much remarks ... I always sit away from him ... but he like glue always stick to my group ... Feel like feeding him some punches .... maybe break all the teeth for his lower jaw so he can shut up ... but .... nah~ maybe 10 years ago i would do that .... i just simply avoid him ... some folks already started to feel irritated by him ... i'll just sit by and watch show ^^ i'll do my stuff and avoid sitting close to him ... :P

So much for now ... maybe weekend i update more ... have to go for my run now ...

Pretty Uncertain ...

Had been riding on emotional roller coaster few weeks already .Heres what i have to say ... i know where all these are coming from ...

1. Not confident about passing the semester ....
2. Afriad of failing modules ... i had to sit for 6 papers ( all physics calculation related and advanced A maths ) 1 project and a lab T_T
3. Afriad if i can't make it .... i might not be able to get a good paying job to support my parents

All this 3 major worries are spinning my head everyday ... not to mention i had to study till late just to reduce the disparity between the lectures and my own knowledge. When i finally understood something ... something new comes along ... everyday ... some i've not even started T_T the pace is amazing ... sometimes i can stuck at a question for like 2 hours ... and still trying to solve it ... I had to attempt every one of them otherwise i won't know what i don't understand. For that i peg my progress aganist tutorial ... i can i do these means i understand the topic ... if i can't means i had something i don't know and i need to get it ironed out fast. I don't have much time everyday to ask around ... tutorial classes sometimes are useless ... the Prof quite stucked up for certain classes. They want you to ask question and if you ask in the proper sequence they will solve the question for you eventually ... And they just tell you theories .... you have to figure it out yourself ... pretty hopeless sometime ... I finally had to tell myself and my parents this ... I will do everything i can this semester ... but if i don't make it without failing any modules ... i will cease studying there and back to serving my remaining NSF days ... After which i will go join the work force and climb from there . Not that i don't wish to get a degree ... Its just so hard sometimes i wish i just die there .... i never sleep at all in class .... NEVER ! No matter how boring or shitty the lecture is i paid full 100% attention to the lecturer .... i'm giving my best ... but i just don't feel confident at all .... not a bit .... then when you sit alone and study ... there comes a breaking point ... lonliness sets in ... your mind get those negative thoughts ... its like a never ending cycle .... i can still manage .... for now .... but just how long can i continue ... i hope i have the endurance and luck to finish this properly ... after all i want my parents to retire after i graduate ... if i finish studying means my sister also graduate from accountancy ... she probably gets 1st or 2nd upper class honours judging from her grades now.

I just hope .... i really hope .... i can finish this ... in the meanwhile ... i just do what i can :)

I almost didn't want to wake up ...

I had a very nice dream ... how wish it had last longer ... but like all things ... everything has an end ^^ Not going to talk about what i dreamt ... maybe some peeps might know but i'm not going to post it here ...

So hows school life after 2 weeks ? I mug books almost everyday till 1+am ... so that i can catch up with my understanding ... actually i'm a few formulas behind for most of the lecture ... so i have to use my time at home to read again and again ... some which i can't understand .. i just had to take it as it is ... The dudes asked me out for drink tonight but ... i told them i cannot make it ... because i have to do prayers for my grandfather ... and after that i have to study again ... so that i have a day at least for myself on saturday ...

Somehow when i look at myself and asked ... Do you think you will really become an engineer ? You love listening more than calculation .... you love talking about feelings more than anyone else ... doesn't make sense but since i step in ... theres no turning back ... theres something i need to obtain here ... 3 years ... but i just want to be happy ...

I'm not happy everyday >.<>.< then we will know if this place is for me or not ... Ok enough about school ....

Jerry and Me take train home ... at about 5 pm ... Jurong West ... the crowd here is amazing ... train entrance would often be flooded by them ... if i'm unlucky i had to wait for 2 trains ... when i get a sit .. it will always be those priority ones ... and EVERYTIME ... yes everytime till date some needy ones would appear in front of me ... of course i give my seat to them ... sometimes when i'm not at the priority seat and those pregnant ladies appear those people ! who had the priority seat will ACT BLUR and don't give them the seat they deserve ... Jerry tell me ... this is very common ... I tell him ... i just hope next time people will let me sit down when i'm not strong enough to stand for long journeys ... i don't get it ... simply don't ... after so many mistakes ... i learn that if you hope to get a smile everyday ... its best to be nice to people ... if you're nasty and impatient to others ... your day will turn out to be the same for you :P

OK ... back to books >.< I want to rest tomorrow T_T

I'm back from school ...

After sobbing for like hours when i type the previous post ... i went to meet Jerry and took his car to school ... i'm very blessed to have him driving most of the time which saves me from taking long public transport ... i actually went to check out SIM website last night ... and i spotted something ^^ Psychology :P Thats like the dream course i wanted to do in UNI but got rejected and they are offering it .

Didn't think that my discipline requires so much calculation and formulas and ...... sigh ~

I was talking to Jerry on the way home and i told him how i felt about all these issue . I told him that if one day i have to worry about all these comfortable life i'm living what would happen ? Then he say ... If i was a millionaire today and tomorrow i become a bankrupt ... he would definately see me on straits time mortuary section ... simply because i can't face reality . He did hit the point i'm driving at however , i told him that if you're used to living a financially problem free life and this kind of event happen to you ... YES you can adapt but life will be different . Is that the life you want ? Having to think twice before spending on anything ... we are not saying about being poor here . Its not what i want ... I know myself very well . I don't wish to live in a way where i have to worry for money because if i have to means a lot of things will become a big problem . In order to beat that ... its either i strike lottery ... or get a degree to have a better paying job ... I know and we all know having a degree does not equate to higher income but its a good beginning . Its like a key to open doors which is locked to those without it . There are alternative ways to achieve it, but sometimes it depends on luck ... how lucky can you get ? The thing that is certain is uncertainty ... so we're back to square one .

I may set up stall and sell BeeHoon soon ... :P Some ranting ... i'll let things move and see ... no point stressing myself anymore ... just read slides and do tutorials .... don't know ? ask .... ask until i understand .... its like usual study method for me ... ... i do tutorial, spend 4 hours also yield no result ... no point ... might as well go tutorial class and ask :P