>.<

Pretty normal day for me ... did not manage to drive more stuff into my brain this weekend again ... somehow i'm wondering what am i doing sometimes ... do i really know my work ? some i force myself to memorize ... There are quiz almost every week ... and really ... i don't know whats the outcome ... i'm prepared to spend the next few weeks in school ... till 9.30 pm unless i have reports to do at home ... had to cut myself away from all the temptation at home ... everything ... feel so pressured to pass ... ya perhaps i really am under a lot of stress ... still have so much i've yet to know ... or really understand ...

I often escape away from all these by enjoying myself ... paying visits to grandma house ... hanging out with the groupies ... this saturday i think we going for the 9km walk i guess ...

Today ... lol i went to find grandma~ just because i want to feel safer ... i'm just feeling so scared ... its hard to describe my fear here ... i went and i tell her .. i'm so afriad i fail ... while sitting there she just tell me ... study hard and you won't fail ... go have your dinner ~ usual smile usual warmth ...

Though we don't talk much ... but she took care of me for years .... she took care of me and my sister in place of my working parents since young ... i must say ... she dote on me a lot ... what she has given me ... its a lot which i cannot return ... shes just there ... holding my hand to cross the road ... making sure our meals are taken care of ... taking us for walks ... not much of words between us ... just plenty of smiles ... plenty of holding each other hands ... now she has aged more ... when we visit temples together with my cousin ... either him or me will make sure we hold her hand ... for she has been holding ours for a long long time ... its the least we can do for her ... to let her know that we are always around ... and that we know since then she has always been there for us ... ^^ i just have to believe her and do my best ... not thinking of other thing else ... hang in there ... bite burn eat all the books if i have to ... i'll just give it a shot ...