Its a pleasant day

As usual ... i woke up late . Actually i have to stop sleeping at 3 am because my sleeping time will eat into my mornings ~ which is rather unhealthy ... so i better make a promise with myself that i will sleep before 1 am and wake up at 8 am everyday . Except for tuesday where i have to wake up at 6.30 am to get ready for school .

I went thought my statistic stuff and mange to clear a few question which i'm pretty happy about it . If i can do it means i understand it which makes me feel better ^^ at least i won't feel so fearful about it .

Went over to Grandma's house but no one was there ... so i spend my time watching F1 and dozed off halfway .

Thats my Sunday ... before i head back home from there Grandma came back ... as usual a happy smile from her when she sees me but i had to bid her farewell because its rather late ... but its surprisingly peaceful today ...

I hope monday is the same ^^

^^ So is everything cool for you ?

Its been like ages since i saw Esther ! Yes a very close friend of mine ... and quite happy to hear from her few days back and Simone saw her ... if YOU happen to be reading this ... means i still remember you and definately miss you ! There are quite a few which i didn't had a chance to ask them out for dinner . Busy on my part and they have work obligations to fufill ... but if you are one of those i've dine with means you are on the unforgotten list.

Tonight was extremely great ... even though its just Nigel and Simone ... small group , long chats ... 2 plus am in the morning we still talking at S-11 ... Very long since i last talk so much ... seriously i'm enjoying it ... ^^ very nice~ Oh Simone you got very nice earings by the way ... ^^.

Cool~ so school starting and ... time to dive deeper into the books ... and also live my life without having this regret that i never tried hard enough in NTU ...

Because i've come up with this !

You will not enjoy life when you have filled up your heart with so much regrets ...

Do you have a direction in life ?

I've been looking at myself ... or rather the path i'm taking ... i wonder what do i gain at the end of it ... sometimes my thoughts contradict with what i'm doing ...

I know my key intrest lies in helping people with relationship problems thus came the dream of becoming a counsellor since young ... ( LOL i can't help myself i know ! )

But LOL i'm studying engineering stuff ... water is a cool subject and intresting but the path to studying it is definately not what i expected it to be ( thats life ~ ) ...

Then i remembered life is short ... and i should do something i'm happy with ... which is back to my dream of course ... so really ... i have no idea where i would end up ... i try to make myself forget that University is tough ... and that i can manage just as long as i put in effort ... thats my mentality ... haha

I just wish that should that day come i have that courage to take that step ... the step to change my life totally ... because i can't really accept failure ... or rather i'm afriad of failing ... so i really admire people who held their heads high even though they suffer set backs ... because i'm not sure if i can do that ... if you ask me I think Nigel is a very brave person i've seen ... while pursuing his diploma in NYP he decided that this is not for him and he just quit to join an Arts school ... If it was me ... i will continue and finish it ... Haha sometimes i really wish i was as brave as him ... really ...

So ... whats my direction ... i've no clue ... i'm just following the mainstream ... finish poly get to uni and try to get a degree ... still hanging in there trying ... but i wish i had some answer for myself ...

Hahah just relaxing now ...

I needed a break from my studies so i came here to write something ^^

How do you come to love ?
Was it because you found your perfect prince charming or princess ?
Was it because you changed your view on love ? That love itself was to view an imperfect someone perfectly ?

So what is it for you ?

Well the folks who read this blog are all above 20s~ already ... if you happen to read my blog and happen to be under 20 then perhaps you should realise that no one is perfect ... maybe there are a few wonderful humans out there but as for the general population i feel that we're not perfect . Sorry if i my remarks actually offended anyone but thats how i feel .

So ... how do you come to love ? If you are already in love ... and you're unhappy i hope you will ask yourself instead of seeking the answer from your partner . He/She is not responsible for your own happiness ... you are ! If you can't accept he/she for who they are then probably things won't really work out in the long run . Eventually the cracks will widen and ( here we go again ) ~ , those never ending quarrels ... blablabla~ i think no body wants it ^^ so you have to work on accepting it ... if he/she cheats on you then don't accept it ! i hope you folks get the idea i'm trying to say here ... there are those extreme cases which isn't good at all, so its up to you to judge what is acceptable for yourself ... afterall its your happiness we're talking about ... not mine , not your friends or your relatives . Its all about you ^^

All these are applicable to friends too ^^ in fact many are doing it unknowningly ... You like talking to this person ... he/she becomes your friend and sometimes when they do stuff you dislike ... you accept the fact that this is him/her ... and when it goes beyond your acceptance level you drop them ~ . Isn't this happening ? It is isn't it ... ~

Oh well ~ time to go back to my books ... what should i write next time ? no clue ...~

Relax Relax ...

If you could trade what you have now ( everything in your possession ) for something ... what would it be ?

Would it be to have a happy life ?

Would it be to bring back someone whom you misses a lot ?

Would it be something for mankind ?

What would it be ?

I'm also thinking about it

Soo Tired ... Fatigue level all time high ...

Well Kenny, so you're back to London to study again ... be sure to come back during your vacation ^^ . Last night send off was ... like a party ... No tears ... i still remember the first time we send Kenny off to London ... many folks were crying ... but this time round ... totally different . Study hard and i hope to see you soon ^^ .

After sending him off ... its almost 11pm ... took cab home with Ee Mei and Puiyee ... then i began to write my lab report till 4 am ... HOLY and it wasn't really completed but i got no energy to edit it anymore . The package from SIM came ... inside was the information on the courses i picked . Looks pretty ok to me ... But i'll leave it there first for the moment .

I had a quiz yesterday morning too ... full marks ! Well partly because the tutor use a same question in the tutorial and i was refering to it just moment before the quiz start so i'm pretty lucky so far i guess .

IF everything goes smooth till the end of this semester ... i should be having a bit more time in school ... ^^

Alright i'm too tired to continue now ... another time perhaps ~

Say ~

I've been wondering for the past 1 month ... and the groupies also realise that i'm very stressed out in school ... then they give me their view on the current situation i'm in ... my cousins and relatives also had given me their views ...

I am making a big decision now ... but i just study what ever is given to me ... intrest or no intrest ... i just do it ... but seems like its pretty difficult for me to continue in this field ... not really what i expected it to be ... Cousins told me the reality of life ... its the income vs qualification ... i know it too well ... when i tell them i may sign on to become a firefighter ... they tell me to really consider things carefully ... seriously if i do that ... the only reason is for my Mum and Dad only ... then people tell me to consider the future for myself ... i've never really think about it that much after entering army ... i just want to get a degree ...hold a decent job which commands a decent salary and thats it ... its just that simple ... but reality isn't really kind to me ... however after giving much thoughts ... its really just to continue and give it a shot at it since i'm already there ... if i have to suffer setback ... then it better be now ... haha at least i'm still young enough to try things again ... so really if i cannot make it ... i won't stop getting a degree ... i already had my 2nd plan in mind ... definately not firefighter yet ... ^^

New York New York

Cool Menu You both got really funny expression .... ^^
My desert at NYNY

I only took some photos for last night event ... was the eve of my quiz but any i think i did quite well for the quiz so thank goodness . I got quite a few videos but they have to be first screened by the folks before i can post them up :P So stay tune

I just feel like stopping ...

I shouldn't be complaining its tough ... i should be grateful i had a chance to study in NTU . But then again i keep having that feeling i cannot make it . Its not an imaginary fear . I've been trying to understand everything that's being taught . I stay back in school to do tutorials , i take down notes and i forced myself to stay awake to read no matter how tired i am . Yet with all these i'm lagging behind ... very badly . How ? Everyone says i can make it ... i know its an encouragement . But i know deep down i may not make it ... i'm in a boat thats sinking and i'm the only one who can scoop out the water . Only i'm sure of the extend of the problem i'm facing .... most say i'm too stressed out ... but hello ! i won't even be saying about these for weeks if i can really cope ... if anyone just by being hardworking can accomplish this then EVERYONE can get a good degree ... you need to be a bit gifted in study to excel in it ... I'm not blaming anyone ... i'm just nagging here ... just trying to find a place to vent things ... i just want to vent it out ....

I had that stupid idea of going into fire fighting if i cannot make it ... LOL but its true ... suddenly that idea came into my head ...

I wish i had someone .... somone to tell me that its really fine to fail at times .... someone to tell me its ok to cry and its just a matter of picking yourself up after i fall .... someone who really understand the fear i'm going through .... someone to just tell me that everything will be fine in the end ...

Its .. like getting no where ...

I attended lectures today ... andwave after wave of new stuff keeps coming .... tutorial for chemistry was terrible for me ... i though i had understood the concept ... and i was so wrong . I don't know why ... but at that particular moment ... i feel like giving up ... its like i knew i will definately fail the exam if these were to happen ... i'm like doing something impossible ... my electrochemistry is so messed up T_T ... oh last few weeks the maths is crazy ... we're doing limits ... and the continuity functions ... its those stuff where equation approaches infinity then you have to assume this assume that .... OMG that is a big killer for me ... i hate limits when it approaches INFINITY ... very hard to solve T_T ... hope things will get better ~

Bike !

Yes i'm considering taking up class 2b liscence ... I'm getting tons of "no no no ..." friends , mum , dad ... basically those around me . I know its dangerous ... and its definately fatal if accident occur ... but i'm getting too tired to travel to school ... its a 1 hour 30 minutes trip to school ... and 2 hours trip home .... everyday 3 hours 30 minutes was spent on transport ... i don't get to sit down most of the time when i return home ... i know i'm young and i should stand but sometimes i'm just so tired from the classes i wish i could get a sit and rest my mind ... but often i had to squeeze with people who finished working. I want to get home fast ... and rest ... most of the time i would want to stay back in the library and do my study before i go home ... but it gets so late sometimes ... and i would fefinately want to get home fast ... car is not an option ... the monthly payment will kill me and the fuel is WOA ... amazing . Its not a good investment ... bike is good in the long run ... i'm actually using my life as a trade here ... in fact i'm risking myself ... i know its dangerous ... but 3 hours everyday ... i could have rest more ... study more ... but i'm still thinking ... because Mum don't like the idea ... i can just ignore them and go ahead ... theres nothing they can do to me but i just don't feel good if i do it ... its like i'm not respecting their wishes ... but its getting tiring now ... my school days normally stretches from 8 am to 8 pm ... even if classes starts around 11.30 am i would go early ... to do work ... normally wednesday and friday where classes ends around 4.30pm i would stay back till 9.30 pm to finish my work or do some reading .... then ? if i take train ... i will reach home at 11.30 pm ... and the class next day begins at 10.30 ?

It would be good if i stay there but ... theres too much distraction in school ... i won't tell you how fun it is but from the way my folks in school are telling me ... drinking and chatting till 4am ?supper till 5 am ? hall activity ? ... i know its up to me to control ... but if you don't join in the fun you will some what spoil the whole atmostphere ... so .... no hall :P i want to maintain it this way ... year 2 is too crucial for me ... and from all the information ... as long as i'm able to pass this phase ... my life will be slightly easier when i'm in year 3 and 4 ... i want to finish what i started ... ^^ so bike or no bike ... tough choice ~

Jealousy ... what is it about ?

Alright i'm in the middle of my work but i decided to take some time to write this .Take it as a form of rest . Its 12 am so forgive me if i have any typo or any formulas inserted in.

Though i'm not in a relationship currently . I used to be in one so i think i have some clue about what jealousy is , like how it feels and stuff .

First thing ... Guys DO GET JEALOUS ! but they won't show it immediately ! they hold it in and choose to believe that everything is fine and also to uphold the so called "if you love me , you should trust me" honestly ... don't give me this crap now or i will slap some sense into you if you tell me this . Guys trust their love definately when they don't see anything . Guys are visual so they just get the information straight away "OMG a guy with my girl !" "What could they be doing" You know where we get all these stupid ideas from ? MEDIA ! FRIENDS ! ... these information make guys go crazy sometimes when they imagine things . Then they stop trusting the ladies . Its unfair ... because the missus did nothing wrong ! but think again ... if you jab him with "if you love me , you should trust me !" it will make matter worst ... its not about trusting you ... let me put it this way ... if ladies fell in love with a guy they can too fall in love with another person ( its a fact ... its the same for guys as well thats why ladies get jealous too )... thats what guys will think when they get jealous, then they get pissed off ... so when this fear eats into them ... they become possessive and all the not so good behaviour comes into play .

Jealousy makes them feel insercure too ... they doubt themselves if they don't recieve sufficient assurance from their love ... even the most confident can fall in love . Its about assurance and not " if you love me, you will trust me " PLEASE for your own sake if you're in a relationship don't ever use it ... its not going to help ... like what a lady would want ... assurance ... its the same for guys ... we don't show it doesn't mean we don't want it ... we're all human beings ... who doesn't want to be loved and assured .... but normally guys are like frankenthing ... dumb and seldom know how to express themselves .... most of the time they do it in a wrong manner which complicate matters so , ladies if you ever read this entry , please have patience with them ...

I actually went around asking about this topic in school and the guy say they won't want to share their love with anyone ... but seriously if your guy don't feel even 1% jealous if you got too close to a guy or your best friend ... means something is wrong .... I KNOW ! you're going to tell me because he got faith in you ? I think i will tell you this instead ... " i think hes no longer intrested in you to even care about you being with another males " :P sounds a bit harsh right ? i'm just trying to tell you not put so much faith in that " if he(you) love me... he(you) will turst me " .

I shall stop here ... took me 30 minutes back to my work now ... maybe i continue if I get some new thoughts again . ^^

IF you think ...

So its like coming to the end of the 5th week in school ... Time really FLIES ~ Every now and then i will get that negative thinking ... but i always adjust my mind set before i go to school ... somehow i'm getting better at calming myself ... maybe its all because i decided to take things as it comes, rather than worrying for the future which may not even happen ...

Heres a piece of advice ... maybe a bit too late but NEVER EVER throw your school notes away ... those tertiary ones will serve you very well if you are pursuing in a similiar higher tertiary education. They are so detailed and more informative than the ones given by my Prof sometimes ... and it really bridges the gap .

Last night me and Jerry spent like 3 hours to do 2 question LOL ... because we never read up first and we just attempt the question ... or rather our concept of the chapter isn't very strong . Kaiwen and QianYing joined later in the night and they really can do tutorials ... even the maths which involve limits and infinity series .... i don't even know what i should write ! they manage to do it ... i think i have to spend a bit more time on books ... haha

mm . . . . maybe if i have time ! that is later tonight ? i'll write something about jealousy too ! in a guy's perspective .... the opposite of Simone's article .... ^^ Lets take a look into how some guys really feel about this ... YOU would be surprised ... stay tune