- Not confident about passing the semester ....
- Afriad of failing modules ... i had to sit for 6 papers ( all physics calculation related and advanced A maths ) 1 project and a lab T_T
- Afriad if i can't make it .... i might not be able to get a good paying job to support my parents
All this 3 major worries are spinning my head everyday ... not to mention i had to study till late just to reduce the disparity between the lectures and my own knowledge. When i finally understood something ... something new comes along ... everyday ... some i've not even started T_T the pace is amazing ... sometimes i can stuck at a question for like 2 hours ... and still trying to solve it ... I had to attempt every one of them otherwise i won't know what i don't understand. For that i peg my progress aganist tutorial ... i can i do these means i understand the topic ... if i can't means i had something i don't know and i need to get it ironed out fast. I don't have much time everyday to ask around ... tutorial classes sometimes are useless ... the Prof quite stucked up for certain classes. They want you to ask question and if you ask in the proper sequence they will solve the question for you eventually ... And they just tell you theories .... you have to figure it out yourself ... pretty hopeless sometime ... I finally had to tell myself and my parents this ... I will do everything i can this semester ... but if i don't make it without failing any modules ... i will cease studying there and back to serving my remaining NSF days ... After which i will go join the work force and climb from there . Not that i don't wish to get a degree ... Its just so hard sometimes i wish i just die there .... i never sleep at all in class .... NEVER ! No matter how boring or shitty the lecture is i paid full 100% attention to the lecturer .... i'm giving my best ... but i just don't feel confident at all .... not a bit .... then when you sit alone and study ... there comes a breaking point ... lonliness sets in ... your mind get those negative thoughts ... its like a never ending cycle .... i can still manage .... for now .... but just how long can i continue ... i hope i have the endurance and luck to finish this properly ... after all i want my parents to retire after i graduate ... if i finish studying means my sister also graduate from accountancy ... she probably gets 1st or 2nd upper class honours judging from her grades now.
I just hope .... i really hope .... i can finish this ... in the meanwhile ... i just do what i can :)
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