So tough ...

I think i had the blessing from Simone . Maybe she prayed hard for me ( Maybe >.< ) And so i passed QET , officially exempted from having to take up the English Proficiency Course thereby saving 2 hours every week ^^ Yay !

I've been meeting new people everyday >.< its a crazy place to know people ... as long as its a common lecture ... all i have to do is sit beside someone i don't know and i go introduce myself ... i have yet to go into tutorial classes yet but i'm sure there are MORE new folks to meet ^^

I've been feeling very low for the past few days and passing QET somehow made me feel a little more at ease . You know why ? I'm not those super smart kid in poly whose GPA score range from 3.7 to 3.9 or Merit Holders . . . Guess what i've been hearing ? Some of those with that range of GPA actually drop out of course because they cannot cope and even some Merit Holders . Then i look at myself whose GPA is like 3.3 only ... its very disheartening , so when i hear all these and i look at those alien lecutre notes ... i can't help but feel very sad ... sad because i may not be able to accomplish what i set out to do ... as a whole i got not confidence in myself now ... some folks told me ... In this place ... If you don't study hard , be prepared to fail ... If you study hard , you may have to chance to make it ... tel me ... how can i not be worried ...

Jerry told me i'm taking things to hard ... and i should take it easy ... then i told him this . How can i not be serious about this . On the surface its for my future ... Yes its for my future ... but where i am now and why i can be here isn't because of me ... Mum and Dad has always been the one there to push me here . They may not be able to coach me but they provide me with all the things i need . How can i not be worried that i cannot repay them back ? I'm not trying to say i'm fillial or something ... Its the least i have to do right ? Its only right i give them a better life after they work so hard for many years ... its not like they are young anymore . I have to care for them if not who would ?

I consider myself fortunate enough ... not having to worry about anything ... my school fees my allowances ... all the basic necessites has been taken care of by them ... just by saying i'm grateful don't change anything ... i have to take care of them ... and i will .

Now mum told me when my sister was doing her first year ... she cried her way through ... its the same for me ... i also cry ... i can't tell you whats the feeling like ... but its very hard ... very hard on the mind and heart ... i just pray and cry and hope that i don't give up trying ... :)