IF you think ...

So its like coming to the end of the 5th week in school ... Time really FLIES ~ Every now and then i will get that negative thinking ... but i always adjust my mind set before i go to school ... somehow i'm getting better at calming myself ... maybe its all because i decided to take things as it comes, rather than worrying for the future which may not even happen ...

Heres a piece of advice ... maybe a bit too late but NEVER EVER throw your school notes away ... those tertiary ones will serve you very well if you are pursuing in a similiar higher tertiary education. They are so detailed and more informative than the ones given by my Prof sometimes ... and it really bridges the gap .

Last night me and Jerry spent like 3 hours to do 2 question LOL ... because we never read up first and we just attempt the question ... or rather our concept of the chapter isn't very strong . Kaiwen and QianYing joined later in the night and they really can do tutorials ... even the maths which involve limits and infinity series .... i don't even know what i should write ! they manage to do it ... i think i have to spend a bit more time on books ... haha

mm . . . . maybe if i have time ! that is later tonight ? i'll write something about jealousy too ! in a guy's perspective .... the opposite of Simone's article .... ^^ Lets take a look into how some guys really feel about this ... YOU would be surprised ... stay tune

>>>run and run

Later going for that 10km Nike~ Run .... The wenhao ... nigel ... kenny will be running this time .... and we're signing up for the 42km RUN WAHAHAHA .... that will be like crazy .... i've only marched 36km will full body packs but never ran that long before ... i guess i really must get my butt off the chair and run if i want to survive that 42km ... allan chen was like telling me to run that 42km also ... i use to run with him and HT during the evening when i was still in camp and they told me i should give it a try ^^ but i have to train up for that ...

Argh raining ... if the rain continues ... the rain will be cancelled T_T.

And one last thing to add before i go ... please watch wall-e !!! Nice ^^

wa EXCELLENT PICTURE LA !

Woa i read Simone's blog then i saw these ! WOOT ! Powderful right ^^ Its at the top section of the waterfall in Cambodia :P

No time now la ! So back to books sorry >.< Oh OH NIKE RUN NEXT SUNDAY ...

Heehee adjusted in ... i will give my best ... ^^

Alright ... school is like the first time i in army ... scared and scared ... i found my allies of course and i'm testing out the system at the same time . I am still ok in term of understanding because i am always a chapter behind the professor . Its not the end ... so ^^ i'm going to hang in there and enjoy the late night mugging and fretting over studies ... i have to take it in a positive manner ...

I remember years back when i was in secondary school ... i always get F9 for my A maths ... you guys must be surprised ... I was good with E maths but not A maths ... my maths teacher ... Miss Tai then was very nice to me ... when the mid term exam result was out she wanted to see my mother because its meet the parent session ... Mum went and she told her this ... " Your son very playful and very good at consoling himself ... but one thing i must admit ... he very persistence . " I remembered her words even till now as no one had ever praise me with such strong words. For that i slogged myself everyday on A maths ... Eventually i got C5 in O level and i was very happy ... I survive maths but LOL i flunk my pure physics because i simply didn't think much about it ...

Here i am in University ... i always think i'm lucky ... but i think i did make some effort to get to where i am today ... so how can i let it pass me so easily ^^ even if i had to cry to finish this ... i will cry to finish this ... i've come too far to give up ... i got so many folks cheering me on ^^ so i'm alright now ... when you see me in a daze ... actually i'm trying to think of formulas so chill ok ^^ i may not like what i'm studying now because it has no link to what i really want but i love the knowledge i've gained ... :P to be honest i want to get my major in environmental and at the same time do a minor in psychology ^^ YAY PSYCHOLOGY ... my dream la ~ ask shuning .. ask anyone, i want to be in that field ever since young ... now i got a chance to get that ! so i must GET IT BECAUSE I WANT IT ... although in paper like what Allan say ... weird combination ... but i don't really care ^^ .

Anyway i watched Cyborg She with Puiyee today ... the folks all cannot make it ... so only me and her ... and shes the only one who will entertain Japanese Movie request with me ... The rest of the folks don't like sobs movies ahahah ... so how was it ? EXCELLENT LA ... i love movies which can reach into my heart ... i want to feel feelings ... sad or happy ... i want to understand feelings ... i don't get to learn more about emotions now because everybody in school is like so distant ... and thus i am not able to peer into their hearts to see the real them ...

Its a very lonely thing when you can't share whatever you are feeling ... don't you all agree with me on this ? I believe that at some point of your life you may had felt this and at that point of time your heart really cries because its starting to feel lonely ...

^^ Woot ... back to books and i'm running next sunday Nike race :P with Nigel and Kenny ... maybe i'll take some photos :P Till then ... stay healthy and happy ... for we only live once and lets make this life a memorable one ... peace !

Ok heres some review ...

Week 3 is coming to an end ! So far i think i can manage somehow ... with some help of course .

Let me give you a brief description of what i'm studying ...

I'm in the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering ....
Currently i'm doing modules mainly on Civil Engineering ....
Stuffs like
- Mechanics of materials = Physics T_T ( Extremely tough )
- Foundation Physics = More physics
- Essential Mathematics = This one ok ...
- Environmental Chemistry = can understand a bit
- Fluid Mechanics = MORE calculation
- Engineering Probability and Statistics = Another killer
- Lab work
- Technical Communication = Basically to draft reports like an Engineer >.< ( Project )

So Ya lor .... 1 day 24 hours not enough ... if i had longer time ... i think its not that hard to do well actually :P Finally adjusted myself in .... Mugging and Mugging and of course i don't push myself so much that i stare at questions i don't know ...I go back school and ask those PROS !

I'll let my dearest people like you all ... know the dark side of the folks in school ... you see grading are done in a bell curve manner .... so if you flunk means other people who do averagely may be pushed upward .... so some folks inside there simply don't share their knowledge with you and demand you to share yours with them . Of course for me i share if i know ... but when i ask them back ...GUESS WHAT ? They tell me they don't know .... the following day in tutorial class ... i ask "hey you manage to do all ?" they finish everything ... i feel so sick of them ... you're like using me to climb up and then kill me so you will survive ... if it was really combat in life to fight for survival and i know that you are such a person i would have gladly let you die. So much for being kind and nice to those folks ... Worst still ... they make hell lot of noise in class ... one particular person ... everytime the Professor finish a sentence .... he would "ah huh" , "Yah..so" , "therefore ?" , "absolutely right !" , "Hmm ... Like replying to the professor as if they were having conversation ... Here i am trying to understand what the professor meant ... you make one so much remarks ... I always sit away from him ... but he like glue always stick to my group ... Feel like feeding him some punches .... maybe break all the teeth for his lower jaw so he can shut up ... but .... nah~ maybe 10 years ago i would do that .... i just simply avoid him ... some folks already started to feel irritated by him ... i'll just sit by and watch show ^^ i'll do my stuff and avoid sitting close to him ... :P

So much for now ... maybe weekend i update more ... have to go for my run now ...

Pretty Uncertain ...

Had been riding on emotional roller coaster few weeks already .Heres what i have to say ... i know where all these are coming from ...

1. Not confident about passing the semester ....
2. Afriad of failing modules ... i had to sit for 6 papers ( all physics calculation related and advanced A maths ) 1 project and a lab T_T
3. Afriad if i can't make it .... i might not be able to get a good paying job to support my parents

All this 3 major worries are spinning my head everyday ... not to mention i had to study till late just to reduce the disparity between the lectures and my own knowledge. When i finally understood something ... something new comes along ... everyday ... some i've not even started T_T the pace is amazing ... sometimes i can stuck at a question for like 2 hours ... and still trying to solve it ... I had to attempt every one of them otherwise i won't know what i don't understand. For that i peg my progress aganist tutorial ... i can i do these means i understand the topic ... if i can't means i had something i don't know and i need to get it ironed out fast. I don't have much time everyday to ask around ... tutorial classes sometimes are useless ... the Prof quite stucked up for certain classes. They want you to ask question and if you ask in the proper sequence they will solve the question for you eventually ... And they just tell you theories .... you have to figure it out yourself ... pretty hopeless sometime ... I finally had to tell myself and my parents this ... I will do everything i can this semester ... but if i don't make it without failing any modules ... i will cease studying there and back to serving my remaining NSF days ... After which i will go join the work force and climb from there . Not that i don't wish to get a degree ... Its just so hard sometimes i wish i just die there .... i never sleep at all in class .... NEVER ! No matter how boring or shitty the lecture is i paid full 100% attention to the lecturer .... i'm giving my best ... but i just don't feel confident at all .... not a bit .... then when you sit alone and study ... there comes a breaking point ... lonliness sets in ... your mind get those negative thoughts ... its like a never ending cycle .... i can still manage .... for now .... but just how long can i continue ... i hope i have the endurance and luck to finish this properly ... after all i want my parents to retire after i graduate ... if i finish studying means my sister also graduate from accountancy ... she probably gets 1st or 2nd upper class honours judging from her grades now.

I just hope .... i really hope .... i can finish this ... in the meanwhile ... i just do what i can :)

I almost didn't want to wake up ...

I had a very nice dream ... how wish it had last longer ... but like all things ... everything has an end ^^ Not going to talk about what i dreamt ... maybe some peeps might know but i'm not going to post it here ...

So hows school life after 2 weeks ? I mug books almost everyday till 1+am ... so that i can catch up with my understanding ... actually i'm a few formulas behind for most of the lecture ... so i have to use my time at home to read again and again ... some which i can't understand .. i just had to take it as it is ... The dudes asked me out for drink tonight but ... i told them i cannot make it ... because i have to do prayers for my grandfather ... and after that i have to study again ... so that i have a day at least for myself on saturday ...

Somehow when i look at myself and asked ... Do you think you will really become an engineer ? You love listening more than calculation .... you love talking about feelings more than anyone else ... doesn't make sense but since i step in ... theres no turning back ... theres something i need to obtain here ... 3 years ... but i just want to be happy ...

I'm not happy everyday >.<>.< then we will know if this place is for me or not ... Ok enough about school ....

Jerry and Me take train home ... at about 5 pm ... Jurong West ... the crowd here is amazing ... train entrance would often be flooded by them ... if i'm unlucky i had to wait for 2 trains ... when i get a sit .. it will always be those priority ones ... and EVERYTIME ... yes everytime till date some needy ones would appear in front of me ... of course i give my seat to them ... sometimes when i'm not at the priority seat and those pregnant ladies appear those people ! who had the priority seat will ACT BLUR and don't give them the seat they deserve ... Jerry tell me ... this is very common ... I tell him ... i just hope next time people will let me sit down when i'm not strong enough to stand for long journeys ... i don't get it ... simply don't ... after so many mistakes ... i learn that if you hope to get a smile everyday ... its best to be nice to people ... if you're nasty and impatient to others ... your day will turn out to be the same for you :P

OK ... back to books >.< I want to rest tomorrow T_T

I'm back from school ...

After sobbing for like hours when i type the previous post ... i went to meet Jerry and took his car to school ... i'm very blessed to have him driving most of the time which saves me from taking long public transport ... i actually went to check out SIM website last night ... and i spotted something ^^ Psychology :P Thats like the dream course i wanted to do in UNI but got rejected and they are offering it .

Didn't think that my discipline requires so much calculation and formulas and ...... sigh ~

I was talking to Jerry on the way home and i told him how i felt about all these issue . I told him that if one day i have to worry about all these comfortable life i'm living what would happen ? Then he say ... If i was a millionaire today and tomorrow i become a bankrupt ... he would definately see me on straits time mortuary section ... simply because i can't face reality . He did hit the point i'm driving at however , i told him that if you're used to living a financially problem free life and this kind of event happen to you ... YES you can adapt but life will be different . Is that the life you want ? Having to think twice before spending on anything ... we are not saying about being poor here . Its not what i want ... I know myself very well . I don't wish to live in a way where i have to worry for money because if i have to means a lot of things will become a big problem . In order to beat that ... its either i strike lottery ... or get a degree to have a better paying job ... I know and we all know having a degree does not equate to higher income but its a good beginning . Its like a key to open doors which is locked to those without it . There are alternative ways to achieve it, but sometimes it depends on luck ... how lucky can you get ? The thing that is certain is uncertainty ... so we're back to square one .

I may set up stall and sell BeeHoon soon ... :P Some ranting ... i'll let things move and see ... no point stressing myself anymore ... just read slides and do tutorials .... don't know ? ask .... ask until i understand .... its like usual study method for me ... ... i do tutorial, spend 4 hours also yield no result ... no point ... might as well go tutorial class and ask :P

I don't know what to do ... ...

I thought i had understood the stuff ... and i tried to attempt the tutorials ... i sat there for 4 hours ... refering to whatever notes i had ... i couldn't solve it ... i couldn't write a single line of formula ... then i feel like its the end for me .... no one at home ... my desk flooded with notes ... in the night where it rained heavily i waited for Mum and Dad to come home to have my dinner , i'm feeling that scared and lonely . I tried ... but i can't solve anything ... nothing ... it makes me feel like i can't get anything done anymore and all that i'm good for is nothing ... I don't know who to go to ... who can tell me what i should do ? ... i know no one could ... but i'm so lost now ...

I told Mum ... i may want to withdraw if i can't make it this semester ... i don't wish to see their hard earn cash go down the drain ... then i told her ... i have no clue what i should do after that . She tell me to study hard ... just do whatever i can and don't make such a decision so soon . Then i just sat there looking at my notes again ... She would turn around and look at how i was doing once a while ... but still in the end i gave up trying to solve ... i just went straight to bed ... hopping that when i sleep all my worries will be gone ... when i woke up everything just came rushing back into my head ... and here i am ... trying to find a place to hide from everything ... i go no solution to them ... this is just a place to pour my heart out ... i don't know what will happen next ... i really don't know . Not that i'm giving up ... i think i'm taking it too hard till i can't breathe ... if not i think i might just drop dead ... i need to let my head clear a bit ...

So tough ...

I think i had the blessing from Simone . Maybe she prayed hard for me ( Maybe >.< ) And so i passed QET , officially exempted from having to take up the English Proficiency Course thereby saving 2 hours every week ^^ Yay !

I've been meeting new people everyday >.< its a crazy place to know people ... as long as its a common lecture ... all i have to do is sit beside someone i don't know and i go introduce myself ... i have yet to go into tutorial classes yet but i'm sure there are MORE new folks to meet ^^

I've been feeling very low for the past few days and passing QET somehow made me feel a little more at ease . You know why ? I'm not those super smart kid in poly whose GPA score range from 3.7 to 3.9 or Merit Holders . . . Guess what i've been hearing ? Some of those with that range of GPA actually drop out of course because they cannot cope and even some Merit Holders . Then i look at myself whose GPA is like 3.3 only ... its very disheartening , so when i hear all these and i look at those alien lecutre notes ... i can't help but feel very sad ... sad because i may not be able to accomplish what i set out to do ... as a whole i got not confidence in myself now ... some folks told me ... In this place ... If you don't study hard , be prepared to fail ... If you study hard , you may have to chance to make it ... tel me ... how can i not be worried ...

Jerry told me i'm taking things to hard ... and i should take it easy ... then i told him this . How can i not be serious about this . On the surface its for my future ... Yes its for my future ... but where i am now and why i can be here isn't because of me ... Mum and Dad has always been the one there to push me here . They may not be able to coach me but they provide me with all the things i need . How can i not be worried that i cannot repay them back ? I'm not trying to say i'm fillial or something ... Its the least i have to do right ? Its only right i give them a better life after they work so hard for many years ... its not like they are young anymore . I have to care for them if not who would ?

I consider myself fortunate enough ... not having to worry about anything ... my school fees my allowances ... all the basic necessites has been taken care of by them ... just by saying i'm grateful don't change anything ... i have to take care of them ... and i will .

Now mum told me when my sister was doing her first year ... she cried her way through ... its the same for me ... i also cry ... i can't tell you whats the feeling like ... but its very hard ... very hard on the mind and heart ... i just pray and cry and hope that i don't give up trying ... :)

Class ? ? ?

Today the first day ^^

Scared ...

First Lecture got like hundreds of people ... The lecture hall is like 3 times bigger than those in poly ... some sat alone .... some came in grous ... I sat with Jerry and a few folks ... thats what happen when you gain directy entry ... and if you do engineering like me . No orientation group unlike some other courses .... because they have fixed group ... i'm like a lost soul drifiting and trying to fit in . I even had problem locating the lecture hall for maths .... and i was like late for 15 minutes .... luckily its the first day ... so i did not miss out anything .

After going through the lectures ... i must say they are going at the speed of light .... its like cramming in 3 years of poly work into 1 year .... i hope i can take it ... i really hope .... i want to see the day where Mum and Dad will sit in the auditorium while i recieve the graduation stuff from whoever is there . Thats what i hope for .... Oh well the result for QET will be out tomorrow ... I hope i pass it ... pray ah !

Its so different

I went for the orientation with Jerry and i saw some familiar faces . Some from camps and some from polys. I didn't manage to talk to many people there as there weren't much interactions. The whole day was a welcoming session for us freshmen and also many experience sharing from the Drs and Profs . Its a totally different experience. The way notes were uploaded online and many learning materials has to be obtained by ourself personally really tells me something. This is different . Different from poly days where i have to go and collect notes on behalf of the class . In a way there isn't much changes with regards to that as it only means i have to be more pro active , more persistent and devoted to this phase of my life. Jerry and the Groupies asked me if i'm going to use this time to find my dream girl. I couldn't ... and i know this isn't the right time . Its obvious since i already priortise what i want , that is able to do well and get the degree .

How did i arrived with this ? I just feel sad for mum and dad having to work such long hours just to put me and sis through all this schools . When i told both of them that i was accepted to do this discipline they were very happy for me . They were happy for me and i don't wish to see them feel sad .

But i too had my fears of not being able to cope . When i glance through the lecture materials and tutorials , i was begining to see stars >.< then i realise i have to make sure i know them well or risk being removed which is not the outcome i want .

The night before QET i did not slept well . I was tossing around worried what would happen if i flunk it >.< but well i think i should be able to make it after sitting through it . I didn't experience sleepless night when i was serving my days during NS . Its a worry free environment .

But oh well since its back to school ... I just have two words for myself .... Persistence and Devotion ...

I may not be smart but i will be as devoted as i can to my studies ^^ and persist even if it gets tough ... Thats my only wish for myself ... don't give up :P

>.< Must go print notes -_-

....

I'm Tired .... Sleepzzz

Don't forget because its sad

http://memyselfmine.blogspot.com/
Its sad ... I hope she will stay strong :)
Its painful to just let things fade away
If you want to keep those memories with you
Its perfectly fine ... and absolutely ok to do so ^^
Treasure it and remember him always ...

Scared ....

Well ... I'm going to sit for my QET tomorrow ... Session 1 .... It requires me to write an essay between two choices. I'm afriad that i may not pass the QET and having to take the English bridging module is pretty scary . Even if you take that module ... you're still required to pass it before you can graduate. Its not that i have no faith in myself , but it has been like 5 years since i last sat for an English paper exam . I'm not very good with essay but nevertheless i will still put in my best in tomorrow's exam. After all i can't just give up and lose all my confidence just because i'm afriad :P

I'm not sure if everyone knows about this , but Mr Nigel Lim ... Yes Mr FIT was hospitalized for like 3 days ? I'm not sure what was wrong with him but he had fever which last for quite a while . No matter what food you gave him , he would just throw it all out . I was there to visit him RIGHT after my parade will all my stuff . I skipped my station and went straight to the hospital to pay him a visit in my uniform because Kenny told me he was in a coma state , initially i thought he was playing a prank on me but i think he would not do such a thing at this age so i took him seriously. I was greeted with funny looks when i reach the hospital and on bed 97 lies Mr Lim smiling at me. But hes well now and had been discharged early this morning.

So ... Thats all for my update ... ... BTW i ord already :P

Meet wenhao ... Ee Mei's Mum say i fat T_T

I love thisssss .....

Woot

I had to carry Miss Leong across .... I also don't know howcome EeMei there >.< Seriously what were you doing ?
Xiang Xiang and Boy
Inside the Ang Kor Wat
ATTENTION !

The end of the fall ....

I love this spot .... Like those GungFu Show ...

I'm a Kung Fu Polar Bear trying to squeeze into a Tuna Can
Beautiful isn't it ... Kenny almost got washed away by the water ....
This is the bottom of the fall ! .... Extremely dangerous to get to our spot ... please go in groups and many guys so they can help the ladies !

The Beginning Of The Fall~

This is awesome !!! We're one with nature !!! I was afriad that my running vest got ripped off by the water ... All of us got wacked by the water T_T
Seems like Puiyee was enjoying herself while i'm suffering LOL !
Meet the lady in green who always without fail bicker with me ... Miss Ee Mei , theres also the Queen Simone behind us .... This was the segment of stream before leading to the waterfall.

2nd Set of 10

No space so ... Kenny and Uncle me have to squeeze behind the boot
What more can i say ?
Stones and Stones and MORE stones !!!
First time on Tuk Tuk ?
Ee Mei and Princess enjoying the food :P

Up the hill we go !!!
This is one of the best dinner ^^
Surprisingly they weren't afriad of me
RICE PLANTING
Let me give it a shot too ...arghz~ my back

Some Random Photos ^^

Meet The Host ^^ Kosom ... I hope i got her name right :P Shes nicknamed Princess ^^ Her first impression of me ? 26 year old man T_T

On the way back ...this morning ^^ Kenny and Nigel and 26 year old Wenhao
Miss Py and Uncle WenHao
Shes trying to give me food :P
Drinking on top of a watch tower ^^ Its a fabulous chillout place ... But many mozzies lol

I got too much pictures on me .... plus i have yet to recieve photos from the rest of the peeps ... i'll just throw in random pictures and if possible add some videos too if i have sufficient space ... Theres a limit to how many photos i can upload apparently so no choice T_T

Run Run Run ....

Its almost time to bid goodbyes to those in camp ... actually i've been having lots of off days and those peeps were in camp doing work . Their saturdays were burn for NDP duties while i'm at home enjoying . I wanted to participate but the higer ups never gave me my shirt and the security pass . For once i felt so left out . Don't really have much time to talk to them . The bunk back there is sort of a second home to me i guess . Not much time left ^^ guess i'll just have to make do. Except for the Cambodia Trip i'm most likely going to forfeit the rest of my off days so i can join the whole platoon to work for the last few time. Its not the organisation that i've take a liking to . Its those moments which i had with the guys , no doubt some of those moment were harsh and punishing but at the end of the road its always a very happy moment. In a way ... It wasn't really a boring, time wasting experience . It was memorable ...

I think i should place creating memorable memories as one of my goals in life.

Not to forget i have to start running now ... I'm rather late . Its a tough thing to maintain the discipline to run alone ... But its always the first step that is the hardest ^^ Once you run ... you can't stop . But i hate running in circles ... Tried that on tuesday ... its way too boring and easy to give up . So i decided to go back to running around the area ^^ ... No Destination ... Only keep running ahead ^^

Bye Folks ~

Routine ? CHANGE IT !

Wahaha I should be sleeping though ... 3.30am but i just want to enjoy the peaceful night ^^ ... listening to SORROWFUL SONGS ... Mr Lim and Mr Kenny says i'm into sorrowful stuff ... i must agree LOL ... but i think sorrowful stuff allows me to appreciate the happier moments even better ... afterall without sadness can there be happiness ? Unlikely ... because of the comparison between good and bad .... we get sadness and happiness ... so its a two way thing ... you need to have both ! Of course i'm not saying that you must be sad to feel happy ... i'm saying you must understand what sadness is about before you can really appreciate the good things about life ... so sorrowful stuff is actually a reminder to me that i shouldn't take things or people for granted ... because if i do ! i will again be terribly upset ... so thats Mr SorrowFluny for you ...

I went to read read Simone's entry ... LOL ... THE FISHES TICKLISH RIGHT ! i'm not scared but it WAS TOO ITCHY la ! ... Something caught my attention in her blog ... other than me being a scaredy cat ... ROUTINE ! R/S Routine ! ... Marriage being Routine ... Ms PY also said it ...

Lets see my point about it ... Routine ... I think we can't really move away from settling down with a spouse ... have kids ... blablabla ... but how we going about doing it will be very different ... afterall ... this Routine is dictate by yourself and your darlings ... of course sometime it may be affected by your surroundings ... so i believe this routine can be a very good one ... afterall its up to you to change it ... routine can be change isn't it ... do you really have to follow what the general population do ? Well where i am today wasn't planned based on the general population ... i choose what i like ... even a routine was made by choice, which i believed ... so if you don't like it ? CHANGE IT ! I know ... "wenhao you talk easy only , you try la!" I did try making changes slowly ... changing my routine ... i use to sleep and do nothing ! Just enjoy myself ... now i do all the housework ... i go for long runs in the night ... i call people up to go for lunch ... or waste money in lan shop ... or if you ever need a coach for bicycle please call 1800-wenhao-nigel .... We're good you know ^^ Kenny learn how to ride a bicycle in 1 hour ... Ah yes routine ... so ! take control ! really ... i'm like 22 now ... life is not going to wait for me or going to change things for me ... unless I make the choices to make many different ROUTINES for different days ! ... could be phases of life like what Simone said ... but it could be different from everyone ... because we're individuals ... everyone's special in their own way so ... when two people comes together ... you really won't know what ROUTINE you will form ^^ some may like it and stay with it ... some may not and decides to find another one to make new ROUTINE ... but i believe routine can be change without changing partners ... its really all about wanting to change it yourself ... you have to give it sometime before you see the effect ... ^^

TIRED LIAO .... sleep ...

HELOO NURSE !

I can't think of any title man ... but i'm in a very good mood .... maybe beacuase i slept for 3 days .... I have not ran for like 10 days already T_T i need to join the Tiger Trail Run too ... 16km ... but i have to clear 8km, 10km and 12km first before they allow me to participate i think ... but i think i got no problem with such distances ... I'm not being boastful but i've been running with allan for a while and i've done my own running too ... from my house to sengkang , my house to bishan ... so ^^ run to be fit ... and of course to keep myself healthy ^^ ...

And so today i got my off after being attached out for 3 days ^^ missed out the running time ... so slack at home for one day ^^ need to go back camp for work ... and need to get a suite for friday's dinner ... if my leave is granted ... my cousin's wedding dinner ^^ 17-21st going to Combodia with groupie ... ^^

Aug 4th school starts ^^ i'm going to pick water sports as my leisure activity ^^ think my PS3 and PC is going to start rotting ... i'm more into PHYSICAL STUFF ! ... that means getting my butt off that sofa and away from the screen ... of course i still indulge in Japanese Drama and movies ^^ its another past time of mine ... and of course asking good folks out for dinner and lunches ...

Oh Mum is so aganist me getting my bike liscence ... guess i'll drop the idea ...

So whats up folks ... i got blasted for my prvious post lol ... the groupie say that post very depressing ! Cmon kenny ... the blog relfects my inner voice ... and thats definately me ... He say i got split personality ... !@#!@#@! when i blog here .. msot of the time i'm in a very comfortable position to write and think of everything ... so i must say this is the place where i bare everything possible to everyone ... ^^ of course i got secrets too ... if you can read all the text here means you definately mean something to me .... good friends or good friends or really good friends or ya ... you're definately important ^^ its not any TOM DICK OR HARRY .... unless people blog surf until my address ... i doubt they would be intrested in what i write too ... ^^

Nitez

.... I miss the chance lol !

12 people went movie ...

12 old friends sat around the table ...

Was suppose to get pictures ... but i didn't take any

A very suffocating atmostphere formed ... icy cold at times ...

I don't understand ... i was very excited initially but the excitement died down ...

I just listen and watch ... all that was going in my head was ... "somethings wrong"

I'm not very good with conversing in groups ... i'm more for 1 to 1 ... what was lacking ?

What was missing ? ... ... ... Or the time for us to slowly fade away from reunion has begun ?

"Reunion" , my term for the peeps ... maybe i'm thinking too deep into it ... it sucks seriously ... because i was feeling very happy and gradually it sort of becomes a disappointment ... ... why ~

NTU NTU NTU ! SCHOOL !!!

I took weijie , mervin and sng kim to get mervin's ps3 at hub ... chat with ah cong at the road show .. came home ... open the mail box ... WOOT ! ADMISSION HANDBOOK FOR FRESHMEN !!!!!

I've waited for this day for a long long LONG LONG time ^^ ... I just want to go back to school ... school life is the most enjoyable time in life ^^

But LOL looking through the handbook ... theres going to be a lot of administrative work to be done ... ^^ But well its has to be done :P ....

But i'll go for my run first ^^ Probably run to serangoon or sengkang ... not very sure ... but well ^^ student life ... woot !

Ciao~ Peeps~

^^ ... Lets touch on loyalty ...

What does loyalty really mean ? Loyalty is a devoted attachment that is not easily turned aside .

I often saw in those warring films , men would pledge their loyalty to their lord and lay down their life for them if necessary. However i would like to talk about loyalty in relationship ^^ be it family , friends or your spouses .

Are our friends loyal to us ? Am i loyal to my friends ? Is my boyfriend faithful to me ? Sometimes when we suspect something is amiss between the relationship most often it has something to do with loyalty ... Faithful and loyal both suggest undeviating attachment, the key here is UNDEVIATING ... its like a pact made between knights and kings ... something to be honoured until the end of time ... but just how often we think about being faithful ... ( loyalty is more often used in politics so i'm using "faithful" instead ) you can be faithful to your friends and not just girlfriend/boyfriend .

So how faithful are you ? I think there are people who has doubt friends , spouses or even family members . Why does such event happen ? How do we prove if one is being faithful towards us or not ? Is there a way to make those whom you loved more faithful to you and never betray you ?

I'm not very sure myself for those questions too ^^ But one thing i know ... as long as you are not nasty to me ( of course you have to be my good buddies or my wife la and not some TOM DICK HARRY )... i will be loyal to you ... that is i won't abandon you. I think its that simple for me ... if those who betray me and cause extreme harm WAHAHAH you can be prepared to eat cow dung ... otherwise i would just feel disappointed and probably feel sad for a while ... life goes on right ^^

How about you people ? Whats your requirement for you to pledge your undying faith towards those you love ... ... think about it ^^

NB~

POST removed ....

MILK AGAIN ^^

I encounter something slightly out of the norm yesterday at the supermarket :P

Well since i got let off earlier from camp to get a well deserved break ... i went to get some groceries for my ice box ... thats including milk . While walking there i had to take the underpass to the supermarket from the train station . Its really a routine when for me when i get home from camp to get some stuff there but then the underpass this time was filled with insurance agents to be i guess . I thought my MAFIA looked could intimidate them but i failed ... they started attacking me with questions T_T suddenly i remember my best weapon , I showed them my hand and say sorry ^^ . Its not that i dislike them but i simply won't be able to keep up with those savings plans ... i do save but having to commit when i had no steady income soon is going to suffocate me from all the mini luxuries i enjoy all along . I can't imagine i had no money for milk , i think it would be a terrible world disaster when that happens .

So after the fight with Miss Agent i went ahead uninjured to do my shopping . While waiting to pay at the cashier . A very young child and his mother was paying for their stuff , however halfway both left the cashier with many items still in their trolley . The cashier did nothing , she just continue to scan the items . After standing there for 2-3 minutes and theres no sign of wonderful MOM returning i decided to unload all her items for her ... -_-||| FINALLY after the last item i placed on the belt for the cashier , the mommy return back and say : " Son ... quickly thank uncle for helping us unloading the items " .... I just smile back . ( I can't just leave things there while the queue behind me pile up .. those aunties behind will chop me up into pieces if the queue don't start moving ... )

I paid for my stuff and quickly head home ... AGAIN i took the underpass ... this time i tried to evade those AGENTS but seems like a new one was there .. She tried to block my path ... and i show her my hand lol ... that made her back off from my path ... i overheard her saying this " sobz .. he just show me his hand " shes pretty cute actually but i'm too tired to entertain her plus the previous agent i just destroyed was around so it wouldn't be very nice :P ... and its HOME SWEET HOME

Alright i know some of my dearest friends has become AGENTS ... even my cousin is one also . I know how the thing works definately and what is best for myself . But don't be discourage just because there are people like me around . For now i may not need it but definately when i start working i will get those plans too . Its a necessary thing to do . So its not time for me yet , but i believe everyday there will be people whose investment plans or saving plans matures and wants to continue so don't give up alright ^^ . My cousin is doing very well now and will also be doing very well in the future i believe , as long as you don't give up ^^ .

Like me ^^ i'm still trying to squeeze into a tuna can ahaha ... caleb call me polar bear trying to squeeze into a tuna can ... WHY ? you ask him yourself &^!@#%^@!%#^@!#

I am wenhao ...

... Finally my connection becomes stable ... After 1 month :P

So ? Everything's cool ... kenny's back in singapore ... Nigel never came out today ... i also have no idea ... i "thought" there was suppose to be a gathering thingy but turns out i asked the folks out for movie ... what happen ??? No idea ...

Oh ... My disruption was approved ... ^^ July 27th ORD ! i will return my remaining army days when holiday comes ... so yup ... going back to student life ... can't wait ... this time i'm not going to just go to school and study ... better sign myself up for activities ... poly was a bit of screwed up ... i didn't know how to priortize what was important to me ... so i didn't really have a fufilling life back then ... somehow wasted my life LOL ... well at least i did not screw up the tests back then ... People learn right ^^ so i'm learning too haha ...

Now i'm handling all the chores at home ... if i'm not in camp ... sister will leave everything to me ... she can't do laundry properly ... can't fold clothes properly too ... :P i have to clean up all her hair from the sink trap !@#!@#!@# ... When she gets married .. she will be in deep trouble ... I don't do all these stuff willingly last time ... i would be very lazy to get my ass out of the chair to do all these stuff ... but perhaps after going through all the "trainings" in NS made me more responsible for others ... through out all this while i've developed this " If i want something to be done now ... its best to start with myself before seeking others " mentality ... ^^ Just do it :P

Thats right ^^ I am myself ... i have to be a responsible mafia lol ^^

The milk's killing me ... ... ... ...

I tried sleeping at 12 last night ... LOL i couldn't sleep at all !!! Went to my fridge ... took out chocolates and milk ... i think i finish 500ml of milk in an instant ... went back and dug out my "treasure box" ... the box where i kept all the letters ... card written to me for the past 22 years ... yes 22 years ... and those small tiny neoprints ! i going to get a new "Treasure box soon" Many many memories inside ... those very old dollar notes i also have ... the rare 20 dollar plastic note was also kept inside ^^

I read through all the cards and letters ... i'm very glad to recieve them ^^ Simone wrote me cards too :P but this year never wirte haha ... then theres some folks whom i sort of drifted apart with ... some who moved away and i've not manage to contact them ... I think the best card was the handmade one by ah ning ... it was many many yearsss ago ... sherrie sent me cards too ... ^^ her handwriting was one of the best back in school ... ^^ mine was first in school too but you have to start counting from the back :P...

but the one that brings lots of smile and tears was obviously "hers"

I would prefer recieving cards as gifts compare to other stuff ... i feel that cards written by people carries a lot more mmm ... weight ... more feelings ...

A gift can be easily forgotten ... but a handwritten card never loses its value ...

^^

I found something intresting too ... last time back in secondary school ... very very long ago when i sit in front of Ah ning ... we use to exchange hand written notes ... I still have them :P ... still good ... except that the pencil marks are slowly fading away ... haha and a lot of my trophies ... ^^ i may not look like it but back in primary school ... i can run fast ... jump high ... :P rope skipping champion too ^^ Javeline 1st in Secondary school :P

But now i very inactive ... hahaha ... i think i better try to take up some activities in Uni ... i'm considering water sports ^^ woot !

Yah .. the milk killed me ... i think i drank too much so when i was sleeping halfway suddenly i get a very bad stomache ...

^^ Thats all for today ^^

WOOT

Mafia Hao and J Wong ...

A bit cheapo ... but when walking around the Xi Men Ting area ... the rain become very heavy .. so I bought the cheapo RainCoat LOL .. then the rest also buy ...

Thats Me ^^

Humans aren't solitary beings ~

Woke up late again ... wasted the whole of my morning sleeping ^^ usual stuff ... breakfast ... milk ... getting the laundry done ... wash dishes ... sweep floor ... fold the laundry ... took me 2 hours to finish those stuff ... I'm the maid for this 2 week ... Mum got a new washing machine ... have to teach her how to use later ... quite complicated ... many temperatures to note >.< when the new maid arrives i think i have to coach her as well ... I use to find doing all these things a hassle ... but its like a routine for me now ... and when i make all my laundry smells like spring WOO HOO i feel very proud of it ...

So so so ... just yesterday night at the chalet ... while during BBQing~ one of my men said that his girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him ... Hes quite a good looking chap ... and her reason of ending the relationship " I'm young , i still wish to play and know more people " He had quite a few drinks there so i don't really know what the real deal was ... But before we went for the overseas trip he sense something was wrong ... and i encourage him to make things better ... he said things became better but ... now -_- things change suddenly ...

( Amazing washing machine !!! ... typing halfway , i went to teach Mum and Dad how to use the washing machine )

Back to the topic ... I sat down and talk to him together with the rest ... I wonder how is he feeling ... Why i asked ... and he just told me what i had stated above .... some of them say its because of being together for too long ... some say the girl doesn't know whats good for her ... Well i guess its really up to individual ... "Medic" then say " Girls will blame the guy , Guys will blame the girl ... true ... Probably when he said that no one even bother about that ... but its a fact which i believe ... when such things happen people would convinently push everything to the other party ...

What i'm more concern ... were the time spent together ... i never really knew the answer to this question i posed to myself ... perhaps to me as the more time a couple spent together ... the more "glue" power it should have ... maybe not to some

The rest told him " you're still young " i hope one day people would dimiss this thing ... time is one of the thing in this world that cannot be reversed ... you are advancing forward , i believe there is no such thing as you're still young ... you still have more time ahead of you ... before you know it .. you're 30 years old :P

He will be fine i guess ... ^^ Ok .. i need to check the laundry ...

Mmm ....

The day i came back from taiwan i met up with some folks ....

Apart from telling them some trainings i went through ... I also told them how people mistake me for an evil man ....

T_T ... Since we don't know the area well ... and we were looking for a particular street in Taiwan ... i went into one shop managed by a lady ... she was on the phone ... MAYBE ! just maybe because of my hair ... she immediately say ... are you here for money ! T_T I quickly explain to her the situation T_T ... when i told simone and gang this ... they burst out laughing lorrrrrrr~~~*@!&#*(!@&#(!&@*#(&

Then at their night market streets ... because of space limitation its quite hard to move around ... i wanted to cut across path ... a guy was standing in front of me ... i took a step forward ... he too took a step forward ... then he quickly apologise when i look at him ... i said nevermind ... then i took a step again ... he too took a step ... THEN i look at him again .. 2nd time he apologise ... we did this for the 3rd time until i step out of it and told him ... please go ahead .. i'll go after you T_T ... he quickly went away ... LIEW ...

Well ... Theres another thing ... the first impression my men had of me ... ( we did an evaluation of all the commanders ... the men would say how they feel about this commander and so on ... )

Guess what all of them said ! .... I got that fierce look ... some even want to beat me up .... LOL but after knowing me they are ok with that ... sianz ... All the time where ever i go i get the same same first impression ... ZzzzzzZzzzzZZz
.. sad huh ... lol but its pretty useful when i'm shielding my grandmother from the crowds at temple :P ^^

Ok ! Mafia Hao must go Chalet liao ... Bye FOlks

Hahah Environmental Engineer ...

Any idea what i'm pursuing in NTU ? ... some knew some don't ...

I'm going for a degree in Environmental Engineering ... somewhat related to the environment ... at first i thought ... maybe i'm going around to check trees lol ... thats a silly thought ... how can it be so simple right ?

So i read up the course before i decided to accept it ....

It has stuff related to water ... air ... waste treatment ... i'm quite keen on the hydrology part ^^ water supply engineering, wastewater engineering, solid waste engineering and geo-environmental engineering.

Looks very dry ... but i think its important ... i feel that everyone need those things ... water ... air .... getting rid of waste ... if one day stuff like clean water and clean air become inaccessible to us ... what would we become ? I'm not sure but already its happening in other undeveloped countries where clean water is a big issue ... maybe just maybe ... i hope i can do something about it ^^ .

Can't imagine one day i got no chocolate milk to drink ... because all the cows died from drinking dirty water ... -_- nooo~~~ ...

I'm not a green person ... i'm pretty evil actually ... but well ... for the sake of milk ... wahaha ... ok enough nonsense :P Hope i make it ^^ so so so ....

Tada .. Tai Mei~

Nice Bike ^^



Png got a wallet from Porter International ... very cute lady

Say~

I wonder if i am silly to wait for time to pass,always hoping that even if i'm not your first love but i will someday be your last. That night when i held you was the last ever miracle to me. Without you i am like a caged bird waiting for my next love to come and set me free.

Anyone notice this header ? ... i wonder how many realise this ...

When i was in taiwan ... i had to be vehicle commander ... from destination to destination the ride was about 12 hours .... sounds crazy but yes .... i manage to catch a clear night sky filled with stars ... then one silly questions came to my head ...

What does caring for someone means ?

I gave it a very long thought ... then i came up with a very long answer ...

I can't really translate it into words ... but its about being attentive to the person ... as in paying attention when they require you to ... giving them the support they need ... respect them for who they are .... never critcise them or their dreams ( be supportive man ) .... always ask about their well being ... the list goes on ... can't remember my full answer ... i only know that i was sort of enlightened lol ...

I wonder if i'm right or not .... but i think its not a very sloppy answer though its not perfect either ...

What do you think ?

..... HOLY

Took me 3 hours to do the laundry ....

OMG ~

Ok i need a break now ....

Oh Simone too has return from Japan ... NICE ! i tried the chewing gum she got from there ... waaa very nice packaging ... and the ciggs she got from there WOO ... nice scent ...

Oh i went to NTU this morning to get my medical stuff done ... ITS A NEW BEGINNING SOON ... Zhiyang also manage to get an offer from NTU ... now he choosing between SMU and NTU ... i think NUS is going to offer him a place too ...

What was i thinking ......

Argh ... Jiathi had already return to her home country ... so whose going to do all the laundry ???

Me ...~~~

Guess what i just destroyed two of my shirts .... One from Nike ... One from Topshop ... why ? Because i forgot to seperate the laundry !!! ... Both were whites and they ended up with colours after a wash ...

My army uniforms and all the army stuff can be wash together ... but T_T i forgot about the normal clothing ...they can't be mixed .... i better take extra care next time ... until the new maid arrives ... i'll be doing most of the household chores i guess ... ahhh ... my shirts ... ~

Back Home ... ... With many changes ^^

I'm back ...~ But my house maid is leaving tomorrow ...

Sister just came back from Pattaya too ... except that hers was a short trip away from home ...

Mum and Dad was quite surprised to see me back home at 4 am ... i'm rather tired though but its nice to see them again ... wanted to do some laundry but i guess i leave it till tomorrow ...

So hows Taiwan ? ... I must say ... the ladies there in majority ... quite pretty and sweet looking ...

Ha!!! You folks must be thinking ... what the hell .... you came back after 30++ days just to say the ladies over there are pretty ?

Wait till i get the photos first ok ^^ i never brought my camera there so instead of using words to describe the 30++ days ... i try to get some pictures to do the talking ....

I still miss home .... all the while i wanted to come back badly ...

Oh i manage to clock a new record 9 days no shower ! lol ... the field exercise stretched too long .... some of the guys who went out earlier broke my record ... 10 days no shower !!! Just imagine -_- |||

Ok enough for now ... i need to sleep ... many things to attend to tomorrow :P

Byeeee .... ....

First of all ... thanks for reading my blog .... to all those who does lol ...

and ... Ok byebye ^^ I'm off to taiwan .... for training ... last hurdle before i ORD ya !!!

I see many people stop blogging .... see many people stop after a while ... maybe writing your thoughts online isn't so good afterall ... maybe ... just maybe

So put that aside ... i'm not sure if i will come back in one piece lol ... but i hope so la ... later one bird crash into the bunk ... then its byebye to me LOL ...

Ya ... so mm... i met up with this very very important person few days back ... and i must say ... it was very very comfortable to talk with her ... she still got that smile ... that "shuddup~" ... still its her ^^ someone who can sense my emotion well ... i have to thank the heaven for letting me know her ahaha ... simone is going to be angry lol .... but nevermind ... she know who i refering to and YES YOU probably know who u are ... so don't smile smile there ....

What amazed me most is ... she has learn a lot ... in a way i'm glad she does ... afterall its good for her in the long run ... oh and ya ... you said don't miss you ahaha ... i haven't tell you this ... yes i will miss you ^^ ... i will look up to the sky like you told me ... but by now you should know ... i prefer the night sky more than anything ... total opposite from you ^^ ...

mmm .. .. ... . sia ting ting !!!! ello ello ~~~ when i come back i will ask you out first ^^ ....

and and ... one last thing ....

Life is really about choices .... perspective ( ya you taught me that ) .... and having a big heart for everything .~

Bye people i will be back on May~ ...

Sky of love~ ( Listening Heart )

^^ I just watched Koizora ( Sky Of Love ) with Py~ Nice !!! I heard from her that its a novel based on a true story ... catch it while the cinema is still showing it ok ! If you got boyfriend or girlfriend i think it would even be better ... but if you are still single like me lol just catch it anyway ... the girls sitting beside me all cried ... i've seen shows which are more touching that this but oh well ^^".

So ... After the movie ... we went for dinner and talk for a bit before we head home ...

Then something pop into my head ... maybe its the movie ... maybe its the conversation i had with py ... maybe all along i wanted to type this ... finally i had the mood to write this haha ...

Say ... we all have the ability to listen isn't it ... yet do you all think that everyone is making use of our ears carefully ?

I'm talking about listening to people when they need you to ... without judging or trying to give them unthoughtful advices ...

I feel ... that many people wants to be heard ... but not many are willing to listen ... why ? Selfish ? ... I believe that everyone should learn how to listen to one another without saying a word ... yes just sitting there quietly listening to someone else talk ... The more you listen , the more you learn about the other person's feeling . Relationships is one which requires a lot of listening but very often it isn't balanced ... there is always one party which listens most of the time and one which talks the most of the time ... the one who listens most of the time too has feelings don't you agree ? ... without being heard , feelings get suppressed causing unwanted resentment towards the other .

Do you all agree ? At certain times you wish someone could just listen to you but you couldn't find that person ... then you wonder who really cares about you .. sometimes certain group of people who only wants to be heard should really do some soul searching ... shouldn't they listen with an open heart too ?

Sometimes its just that simple to nurse someone's trouble heart ... sit beside them and just listen .... there is no need for comments .... no need for advices .... nothing .... listening to them is a very strong indication to people that you care ... and that i believe is what people are truly seeking for when they are looking for someone to listen to them

Mum just held my hand and listen to me when i cried years back ... nothing else ... and that was enough ...

When a baby cries, you hold them close to you and they would stop crying ...
When a heart is crying out ... listen to them ....

mm . . . . kenny has return ....

I bet simone know this first ... lol

well~ ^^ he came back after 6 months plus ... was chatting halfway with him when he suddenly told me he knew its raining almost everyday here ... and then he goes " because i'm back !!! " lol so we met up in the night for dinner ^^ ...

one day he would get a ring for someone who ask for a ring last night

^^ alright ... Nigel became a physical trainer trainee ^^ good luck to you dude !

I'm going back to school soon !!!! ^^ can't wait ...

Oh did i mention it ? I'm going to go for bike licence after i return from taiwan ... easy travelling to school ... i'm still thinking, should i stay in the hostel there ? ... Sis is trying every means to stay there forever lol~ ... too much hunks and babes there lol~ ... ^^

mm ....

i still remember you , would love to see your smile once more ... i think i miss you ~

Short Breather ...

Yay ... a short breather before i go taiwan ... heng chun camp i heard ... and also mei ling camp .... i don't care the condition ... i've been through a lot of worse living condition so as long as there is a bed ! it is good enough .

Soon ... the men together with me will be walking towards our own path in life ... somehow its a bit sad ... when everything seems so impossible ... we would just endure through it together ... no matter how steep the knoll seems we would help one another to reach the top ... ... this kind of bond ... you can't find it if you just slack around in school ... work ... so i guess i would say being an nsf is really an enjoyable experience ... not that the training is easy or the outfield is extremely comfortable ... its the camaraderie ... its really about the guy who walks beside you ... i know its hard for some to experience this ... but i'm glad i did not "smoke" my way through ^^

Mmm . . . I was telling this guy who is in my section ... he got some BGR problem ...don't let go so easily without trying ... love won't come knocking on your door so many times ... i still believe we all have a lot to learn about loving one another ... its a growing thing ... love can be forever ... if we all learn and never stop growing ourselves emotionally ... so really ... its about being yourself and walking along side your partner ... people say tomorrow is a gift ... i would say every next second being alive is a gift .... so why hold back on being nice to the person next to you ^^ ... it doesn't cost a cent to do that :)

Oh~ i got lots of rash over my body .... because of the vegetation i bashed through during the whole of yesterday ... lots of spider drop onto my face and some even crawl into my back .... ZzzzZzzzZzz Zzzz ZZzzZZzzZZzzz thought it would heal but it took a bit longer than usual ... Even Png got it ... -_- ||| Ok sleep ^^ spent the whole day packing my stuff for taiwan ...

I'll let you guys know more ^^

Say something nice to your mum and dad ...

^^ I read the last few post i made ... i guess i was pretty heated up when i wrote them >.< ...

Some of the folks know that i'm into those very sentimental soundtracks ... people often ask my choice of music ... why do i choose them ? I get more feelings from those sentimental tracks ... it calms me down ... ^^ it has more feel ...

I just finished watching "Tokyo Tower , Mum and I , and sometimes Dad " its based on a novel which was published by a japanese author in japan .... i think the title itself tells you what the show is all about ... relationship between mother and child ... quite touching ... if i did not remember wrongly ... the book was written by the author because he miss his deceased mum ... something like his biography ..

Sleepzz

What is this ....

Pissed off at those with "power"

Mentally worn out ... we're doing stupid things ....

Is it necessary to do it everyday ...

Think !!! will it bear fruit ??? ... somehow i feel what we are doing is futile ...

Let us go ... just let us return to normal routine ... i'm tired ... going to fly off and we have to do this ...

Hope it will be over soon ...

And to the "God Knows Where You Are" .... please go eat shit and die ... "YOU" are causing major INCONVINENCE to everyone ...

i'm back from tekong

Just came back from another 6 days no shower place ... stink like cow dung ... i think its even worst this time ... ... ...

I didn't do much during the 6 days there ... except i sleep in the open forest ... couldn't sleep LOL ... tasked with the role of enemy ... i was deployed and i must sit alone and wait till dawn >.< can rest but lol scary ... because i got no shelter ... those big spider lurking around T_T but either way still got to find ways to endure through it ... so count stars and talk to my men lor ahahah at the same time try to think of people i miss ... it helps when you're out alone in the dark chilly forest ... take away all the fear in you ... I do feel afriad when i go for those night navigation ... those extremely dense forest where no sunlight can penetrate through ... when night falls ITS OMG INSIDE ... you vs nature ... i hope it won't be too cold in taiwan's forest ...

Oh one of my men saw spirits again ... and it sounds pretty scary ... then we all began telling ghost stories lol ... stuff like organs from a servicemen was ripped out and arranged properly inside his cupboard ... i told them something i heard ... it goes like this ... there this group of troops walking to their destination and their leader told them should they break contact from each other they should stay calm and not wander off . They were told to stay put and wait for rescue . Then as the sky gets darker one of the guy break contact from the main group. He did as what was intsructed to him ... but he got afriad of being alone in the forest and started seeing things ... he remembered that one of his seniors told him to chant prayers shold he "see" anything and tie a black cloth to cover his eyes... he started to chant prayers he could remembered and hope for the best ... during the march the main group realise this particular guy was missing and started to search for him. The main group could not locate him until dawn came ... they found the guy kneeling in a prayer posture with tree vines imapled through him ... i don't know if its real or not lol but i feel scared when i was told this lol ... it was during one of my outfield sommore T_T ... even as i type now i can feel the chills lol ...

Alright 30 days more to taiwan ^^ see you folks soon :P

Blue Jazz ...

^^ No big parties no big event ^^

I prefer something light ^^

Not bad though ... blue jazz .... good place to chill ... live band ... can drink all you like ... nope ^^ i didn't got for alcohol but puiyee did get her beer lol ... i had something called ... chimichunga ??? lol can't remember but its nicee!!

Think it has been ages since i last had a decent chat with anyone ... so its rather nice ^^

We talk a lot ... lol ... just like old times ... and she give me that shocking face when i told her its my birthday lol ... too busy to remember ^^ thats what happens when you get too busy with work and studies ... hope she gets what she wanted ^^

I'm not really bothered if no one remember my birthday ...to be honest i can't remember everyone's birthday ... i can only remember some ... ... to be remembered is sufficient for me ... for either the bad or the good ... eventually i would just become a memory to others ... birth date won't matter by then ... its about just being remembered by someone ...

"Oh ! The folks in camp !!! don't come and "TAU POK" me ... i will definately kick you in the face ... plus countless guard duties !!! orders from SGT Aw ~ "

MM . . . . nothing much to say LOL ... Sleep~

I'm not the same anymore ^^

Hey i'm back from outfield ^^ :P after 5 days without shower i'm finally freed from that exercise ... a week of rest has been granted before i depart to another small island for another week without shower T_T ... leaving that aside ... let me share something with you people ^^ ...

I've a guy who is under my charge ... hes those with fragile feelings ... i think because hes too pampered by his parents ... i'm not sure about that ... the incident was that i tasked him to get the rest to take over sentry duties and he came back sulking claiming that the guys shouted at him ... it was like 9 pm in the night ... without light ... and i stink like shit because of all the outfield thing ... naturally i'm rather pissed off with the guys who shouted at him ... he ran off sat at one corner and start to become " emo~ " just like those horror flick movie you see where the ghost kid would sit in one corner of the room ... he did that at the drain ... end up when the whole thing was settled ... minor issue actually ... its not over !!! he then said that he feel useless within the team ... i never tasked him duties ... he made it sound like i'm responsible for his feelings !!! i almost wanted to punish him earlier on for almost getting Matthew into trouble but i let it slide and now !!! I was like OMG LOR ... i never face him directly i just stood there and spoke ... " you hold certain appointments within the ranks and you are given certain jobs , i can't possibly assign you other people job ... i have to follow the code ... allowing you to rest is part of the code " ... he sulk -_- my boss heard it ... and he repeated what i said to him again ... and he said he want to feel important -_- i was damm amazed by him la~ my boss then made him his runner and tell him to get some sleep ... finally case close ...I never tired to pacify this guy who is under me because firstly i want him to understand that i'm not there to make him feel like hes godly or whatever ... hes responsible for that ... and also not everyone in the society is kind enough to even bother about him ... my role is to make sure he goes home safely ... feelings are beyond my control ... of course i never tell him that ... i think if i preach on he might just cry there -_- i can be very nice to him and soothe him but it will be very difficult for me to get work done like this ... thats why i never do it ... i just explain and scold ...


Then the other peeps started to say SGT AW you never give him fatherly love la~

Theres something i want to say here is ... self worth doesn't comes from other people's acknowledgement ... there are times when no one will acknowledge you then what happens ? You fail ? NO ... THATS A BIG NO ... each and everyone of us are responsible for ourselves ... its very unfair to depend on others to make ourself feel better ... do you guys think its a right thing to do ? How we feel are affected largely by how we think about ourselves ... we live only once and theres no reason to think so lowly about ourselves ... each and everyone is special and unique ... everyone is capable of something someone else isn't capable of ... diligence will pay off in due time ... believe in that ^^

mm . . . Might be a bit too late for this but HAPPY BELATED LOVEY LOVEY Valentine Day to all couples ^^ and also the singles ^^

What would i say ?

Thought i could beat the stomach flu by myself ... eventually i still went to see the doctor LOL ... need medication to remove virus ... otherwise the toliet will be my next best friend T_T but oh well ... i'm partly to blame for this so >.< time to move on ...


Just feel like writing this ...
Its like ... many years have pass
But in actual fact its just merely a few years
Yet you know whats the scary part ?
Its as if i've never met you before at all ...
The memories are fading ... the mind treat it as if you where just a dream and when the next sun rises you will disappear ... dreams weren't meant to be permanent ...

I'll probably find it difficult to converse with you directly if we were to meet ...
It seems silly to say all this but thats what i realise ...

The deep wound cause by your absence will never be healed completely
Even with myself knowing it would only bring greater pain with you around
Its not a fault cause by you ... its a pain my heart chooses to relive everytime
But eventually time heals all wound leaving behind a scar as a form of remembrance

You were my dream ...
Sometimes when i sleep at night ...
I wish i could dream a dream again...


^^ Nice~ Something emo lol ~ ~
Happy Chinese New Year Folks~ ^^

Mm . . . .M.. .. .

Sometimes i just can't be bothered with the title for my entries so i just go mmm... mmm ...

I was out with allan shopping for PS3 ... guess what ... the consoles are out of stock !!! -_- allan was so anxious to get his rockband set as well ... but nevermind we try looking somewhere when we are free >.<

Bla~ Bla~

Simone leaving for london ... to meet Kenny ^^ too bad when he return during april i'm not in Singapore .... argh~~ nevermind ^^

Theres plenty of opportunities ^^

Happy Chinese New Year People ^^

Where are you !!!! Don't know why suddenly can start to miss you for no reason ... maybe its starting to feel a bit lonely ... just maybe

>.< Ugu~uu~~

I think it has been quite a while since i fall sick ... judging by the mild fever , nauseating feeling , dizziness symptons .... i believe i've been hit by stomach flu~

Haha i wonder how i get it .... its a viral infection ... >.< ... Either way i just have to rest enough ahaha ^^ if i still get that bitter taste in the mouth i'll probably visit the doctor ^^ ...

Now Sis came back ... i believe i got it from her !!! shes ok orledi~ @!@#@!# now its my turn ...

Must be the food she ask me to finish it up for her .... argh~H~H~H~

Never mind ... it won't kill me ... just hate that weak achy feeling all over my body >.<

I wanted to blog something else but too tired to continue .. i'll sleep for now

Blank ~ ?

Just feel like writing something ... something emotional ... but i've no idea what to write ...

I'm doing the usual stuff ... anime , games , running , skipping , movies , swimming , pushups , cooking , sleeping , hanging out with the folks .... but still if feels like something is lacking in my life ... girlfriend ? don't think so ... that isn't a priority yet ... still need to get myself into better shape before i embark into that >.< ... just can't figure it out ...

Had a dream last night ... a very wonderful dream ... don't laugh please ... i've no idea how it began but the dream began with a lady holding my arm ... shes wearing a green dress and has long wavy hair ... but i didn't see her face ... she just walk besides me and we're on the way to this wedding gown fashion show ... we're like deciding what to get .... then i woke up ...

Hahah i was smiling when i woke up lol ... just a pity i didn't manage to catch a glimpse of her face ... maybe its meant to be that way ... but i feel like 28 years old in that dream ... i wonder ... what would happen when i've turn 28 ... its not a very distant thing ... i'm turning 22 soon ...

I've only one wish ... that i don't have to feel .. .. ... ...

The last stretch ....

Finally .... or should i say .... its going to be over real soon .

We've handed over the ops duty 2 days back ^^ luckily nothing happen, which is a blessing for everyone. For that ops duty ... "No News equates to Good News"

I shall not bore you about the duties we carry out there ...

After handing over the duties our big big boss planned a retreat at loyang chalet for us commanders ... we dread going there seriously because the men gets to enjoy their long weekend and here we have to attend this retreat ... but when we reach there for the 2 days 2 nights activity ... i think it wasn't so bad afterall ...

The fights at the pool .... dragging each and everyone off their beds and throwing them into the pools ... we even have the scouts executor who keeps ripping off underwears ... i've no idea how many pieces of underwear alan ripped off from some of the guys there ... he shows no mercy !!! Johnathan's undies was ripped off when he entered their bunk last few days ... SACRY !!!

Since we're at changi area ... we visited the "bapoks" of the village ... men who undergo sex operations to become women. I must say ... some look very beautiful ... some even sound like a real woman ... one of them chatted up with allan ... and we manage to know abit of their lifestlye ...

Old Changi Hospital .... since majority rented bikes overnight .... we decided to visit that damm place ... we were not properly equipped .... no torchlight .... we only got handphones !!! .... when we reach there we went through the 1st level only to reach a dead end ... the lights from the handphone barely gives us sufficient vision to walk around ... quite a bit of blood stains on the floor ... glasses ... syringes .... we're at the place with 7 storey .... i think its the ward section ... Caleb said that he once went up to 2nd level and was unable to get out ... we didn't not went further in .... theres another group of people with us ... 2 girls 4 guys they went up all the way ... together with "Tall Men" and Johnathan Shen .... While waiting for them .... Allan and Matthew told us they heard grunting noises behind them at the other entrance but when they look around they saw nothing ... I was like !@#@!#@! ~~~ We're not afriad of the dark but the place together with the combination of full moon gives off a very creepy feeling ... We left after the group came back ....they say nothing happen .... maybe you guys want to try going there ... End~

I'm covered with sunburns all over my body .... alright ^^ 1 more month and i'll be gone for the final exercise .... Stage 2 evaluation and a brigade level exercise ...

I'll be getting back my Pink IC soon ^^

Oh My God ~~~~

>.< It has been a while since i last saw any of the guys or the ladies ...

I on duty ... guarding some .... important place ...

Do day shift 12 hours .... night shift also 12 hours ... those dead people roaming around hours .... 10 pm to 10 am !@#!@#!@#!@#

Today i almost puked LOL ... two nights in a row i helped my friend because hes not those who can take night duties well ... waa i slept for only 4 hours during the period of 48 hours !!! When i was standing guard at 6 am i really cannot take it ... luckily i got many sweets with me ...

At some point of time when i can get a rest, i even took a quick nap but .... i cannot lie down ... must sit down and sleep !@#!@#!@!@ its an ORDER !!! To hell with that .... i immediately fell asleep lol ... woke up my left side of the body all became numb .... because the flow of blood was blocked !#@!#!@#

So bored and grouchy during duty ... not enought sleep .... i still got 4 more duties to finish before the main group comes and take over ... i miss my weekends ... i've lost track of time T_T ... So sleepy ...

Body Clock Messed Up~

... 8 pm to 12 noon ... duty ... sleep till 6 ... 8 pm go duty again ...same thing repeats T_T

Now my body clock is so messed up that i couldn't tell if i'm tired or not ...

Just feel so sick~ ... headache ... T_T i try not to nap so much when i come home but its almost 24 hours since i last had a proper rest ... T_T if i sleep now ... i will tune my body to active during silent hours ... >.<

Can't say what i'm doing now but .... its a so call real thing~ even as i am typing now ... people are doing their duty ... ZzzZzzz ZzzzZzzz

Before i forget ... Hao Jie Mei Esther gave me this to try ...

4 cup Japanese rice
4 medium chicken thighs or 2 large chicken breasts
1 onion
2 cups soup stock (dashi)
10 tbsp soy sauce
5 tbsp mirin
5 tbsp sugar
4 eggs

Hope i dun mess this up .... shall try this soon !!!

What would you do ?

Recently i heard the news about "mc king" died ... i saw him few weeks back at mac donald ...

Today Nigel reminded me about it ... then there was this cute baby sitting near us ... suddenly i thought ... life ~ is it so unpredictable ... so much that we won't know whats going to happen the next moment ? It feels frightening when i had that initial thoughts ... but then again i've no power over it so why should i fear it ... if it comes suddenly then i got no choice ... but the depressing part is , am i able to do what i want to do before i leave this world ? Then again , if a date was told to you that on this very day your life will end ... will your actions change ? Will you do anything thats on your mind ? What will you do ?

What will i do ? ... In fact ... i will probably give one final hug to those whom i know ... i will want to see them one last time ... thats for me ^^

If a date is set for you ...

What will you do from now on ...